I was staring gloomily at my computer this morning.
“What are you doing, Mum?” asked my daughter Imogen.
“I’m about to delete my blogs,” I answered.
“Don’t, Mum! Why would you want to do that?”
“Listen!” I replied. We could hear Sophie and Gemma-Rose crying, and one older son bumping his way around the house in a disgruntled mood.
Earlier, Sophie and Gemma-Rose had been arguing over the possession of a book. I hadn’t taken the time to find out the facts. I hadn’t helped them work out their problem, but instead, I’d impatiently shouted at both of them. After a sleepless night, I was tired, and I just didn’t want to know. I hadn’t wanted to know about my son’s car problems either.
“It’s all lies, Imogen,” I continued. “All that stuff on my blog about how good my parenting and unschooling are going… Who would believe me if they could see us now? It’s just not true.”
“But, Mum it is true,” said Imogen. “Your blog is the past, not today.”
And then I smiled. I actually giggled. Suddenly everything seemed very funny.
All my previous stories are true because they are not about today. I didn’t lie. I just wrote what was true at the time. But today…
“I’m sorry,” I told Sophie and Gemma-Rose, as I enfolded them in my arms. “How about we go somewhere for hot chocolates while Imogen and Charlotte have their piano lessons?” The girls dried their eyes and tried to smile.
So that’s what we did this morning. I drove to town, and after dropping the older girls off at their piano teacher’s house, the younger girls and I headed to a café. Soon we were sipping hot chocolates and enjoying some special time together.
All that conflict earlier today and then I took the girls out for an unexpected Monday morning treat. Some people might say I was rewarding bad behaviour (mine and my girls’). But I don’t think so. Life is tough sometimes. I make mistakes. My children do too. Some days like today, we all make mistakes. We need to apologise to each other, pick ourselves back up and then reaffirm what is really important: our relationships.
I know that when my children forgive me and love me regardless of my mistakes, I feel I want to be the best mother possible. I feel so very blessed to be me. I am sure children feel the same when they are forgiven too. So…
Not punishment, but forgiveness and love. For love has the power to make us truly who we are meant to be.
We had a bad start to the day. I try to tell it as it is. But now we are back on track. The girls have been sewing and I’ve been reading to them.
And my blog is still here. Right at this moment, it is true to say unschooling is very, very good.
Don't you dare hit that delete button! Just as well Imogen was there I reckon 🙂
This is good to read. It helps to hear that these things happen at your house too. And you just reminded me, I was thinking earlier that I must take the children out and treat them to hot chocolate, it's such a special thing to do.
God bless
Kelly
Kelly,
When I feel like writing a blog post, I'm usually feeling good and have lots of happy stuff to share. I rarely feel like writing when I'm feeling low. Today I decided it would be good to share a bad moment too. Generally they are few, but every now and then things go wrong. I guess it's the same for everyone. No one's life is perfect.
Thank you for your encouraging words. They are appreciated!
It's just the weather for hot chocolates, and they taste even more special when they are unexpected. I hope you enjoy your treat soon!
After talking to you, today, and, then, reading this, I'm wondering about the good things we bloggers are used to posting. They're inspiring and give a good impression but it's impossible for any of us to be perfect, isn't it? Maybe, it would actually be proud to strive for perfection, rather than to strive to love, do you think? If we fail at perfection, our pride is hurt but, if we fail at love, we're mortified at hurting someone – which is a more perfect sorrow. I'm rambling…
It's another thought-provoking post, Sue!:-)
Vicky,
It was good to chat this afternoon!
Yes, no one is perfect though sometimes we might give that impression. My pain today came from hurting the girls with my words and insensitive attitude. Yes, wounding others hurts me very much. Love is much more important than striving for perfection.
I don't set out to give the impression I lead a perfect life. As Immy said, my posts are truthful. But today my blog felt all wrong. I wanted to get rid of it. Feeling good again now though! I guess we just need to accept the bad moments, get up and keep moving forward.
Thanks for the dear post – it was very encouraging! I had been thinking of you earlier and wondering if you ever had to deal with sibling conflicts, and this addresses that a bit in a sideways fashion. It sounds like you do a lovely job modelling kind behavior, and gently correcting when things come up. I don't mean this example (I'm very cranky when tired!), but can you give a best case example of what you could have done? I would just like some ideas of how to teach my kids conflict resolution.
Also, apropos of nothing but my own curiosity here in the Northern hemisphere: does it snow anywhere in Australia in the winter? We are a sultry 88F (32 C) here.
Wendy,
Generally my kids get on very well together. We don't have any personality conflicts. The 4 younger girls especially are a group, and do lots together. But no relationship is perfect, and they do have their moments when someone is out of sorts. I wouldn't say my children exhibit sibling rivalry. They know they are special each in her own way and I take time to emphasise this, and pay individual attention to them. But there are times when my kids might get careless with how they say things or thoughtless in their actions. I do that sometimes too!
What actually happened the other day was that two girls wanted to use the same book. They were both sewing monsters and both wanted to find out what to do next. I am not even sure of the details because I came along in the middle and didn't bother to find out what was going on. I just grabbed the book and blamed the wrong child. I think I should have listened to both sides of the story and then helped the girls find a solution that satisfied both of them. Instead I told them I didn't want to know. I wonder if the most frustrating problem for kids is the feeling that no one is listening to them, and being treated unjustly and not being able to do anything about it.
I think kids need help in learning how to deal with conflict, younger ones more than older ones. I don't have very young children any more but I can remember having to resolve disputes over such things as toys. With our help, children learn how to deal with such things. These days we don't have many conflicts. Probably Monday's problem wouldn't have escalated into a full scale conflict if I had handled it properly. Yes, being tired makes things difficult at times!
It does snow in Australia! We live south of Sydney and it occasionally snows here because of our high altitude. During a very cold winter we might get a fluttering of snow which lasts for a short time. I can only remember snow settling on the ground twice. The kids were so excited. They dressed up warmly eager to go outside and make snowballs. They were soon back complaining it was too cold!
We have snowfields further south. Natural snow is complemented with man-made snow. Some seasons are better snow seasons than others.
Snow for us is a novelty, and when it does fall we stand at the window and watch, unable to tear ourselves away! We have regular frosts because the temperature can fall below freezing on a winter's night. No sign of snow so far this winter. Actually the weather here is very mild for this time of year. Today it is 12 C and the temperature fell to 4 C overnight.
You are certainly not experiencing any cold weather at the moment! What sort of temperatures do you have during winter?
Thank you so much for your comment!
Thank you so much for the insight. It does seem that the combination of modeling along with direct instruction when they are little does stave off bigger problems later. And SO much depend on Mom modeling loving interactions!! Three of my kids are special needs and need a little extra instruction, so I find it helpful to see how others assist with that.
I live right next to Washington, DC, so it's a fairly moderate climate. In the winter it can get down into the teens F – I would say never more than -10 C. But most winter days get above freezing. We tend to get only a few inches of snow several winters in a row, and then get over a foot in one storm. One time it was over a meter!
Summers here get as hot as 38 C,but the humidity is 95%, so it feels gross. I guess that doesn't sound moderate, when I put it that way! We get long, lovely springs and falls that are 22 C. My sister, in the Rocky Mountains, gets summers as hot as ours, but winters at -40, so I guess I feel we are moderate.:)
Wendy,
My husband teaches a number of special needs children. He also finds they need extra instruction and lots of patience. But they have lots of fun together and I think they enjoy having Andy as their teacher. He certainly works much harder than I do!
I have another friend who lives in Washington. I saw some photos of her backyard covered in snow! I love the sound of your springs and falls. I am an autumn person. I love the change of season after a hot summer. Thanks for sharing!
Imogen is a very wise young lady. See you do know what you are talking about, proof is in the pudding! Oh dear that makes Imogen the pudding … oops sorry Imogen. If it helps I love pudding.
I think this flu is making me scattier than normal … now off to find the hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Lisa,
You made me smile (again)! I love pudding too. I'm sure Imogen doesn't mind being a pudding if that means she is wise! Children often bring everything back into perspective for us. It was hard to convey Imogen's words properly when I was writing this post. The right words just flew out of her mouth, and they made me laugh. The whole atmosphere of the morning changed so dramatically.
I'm so sorry to hear you're still very unwell. Hot chocolate and marshmallows sound just what you need. I hope you're better soon but please don't lose your scatty sense of humour once you're well. I'm still rolling about, imagining the Queen dancing to Let's Get Physical!
What a great post – and so true. Something I will need to remember too! I'm glad you are still here…so you could share this message with me today! I am here from HHH and now following you. Would appreciate you following me too. Have a blessed day!
Dawn,
Thank you so much for visiting and following my blog! I can't seem to find your blog even though I followed your link. I landed on an Indonesian blog without posts. That doesn't sound right. I wonder what went wrong. If you leave your blog address I will try again and hopefully visit! God bless!
*Phew!* Thank goodness you didn't delete your blogs. You had me scared then!
The same thing often happens with me. If I am having a bad homeschooling day, I tend to think my whole life is a complete misery. But when I wake up the next day, everything seems clearer and happier and my thoughts are very indeed opposite!
What a wonderful post. I love to read your blog!
God Bless,
-Gemma
Gemma,
You are quite right: moods can change overnight. Funny how that happens! Thank you for your kind words and for reading my posts!
Sue. I don’t know how many times I beat myself up when things feel unraveled around my home. I do appreciate how my family will rally and cheer me up. One particular day I was telling my children how I felt and then my youngest (7 year old girl) said to me, “Mommy, don’t feel bad. God is not disappointed with you.” Those words helped to pull me out. And I love to be there for my family when they need to be reminded that we are not disappointments but beloved and greatly loved. Thank you for your transparency.
Kim,
Your daughter’s words are very beautiful and true. Yes, God is not disappointed with us. My children often pull up when I’ve got stuck and don’t know how to help myself get back on track. Helping each other. That’s what families do, don’t they? We love and help each other and don’t condemn and criticise when we someone falls down. Thank you for reminding me of this! Lovely to chat with you!