Do you ever swap between the various methods of homeschooling looking for the perfect way to bring up and educate your kids? I used to do that. I’d try one thing after another, confusing myself and my kids, while never finding what I was searching for.
As I said in my book Curious Unschoolers:
… I pondered lots of questions:
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- What are the basics of a good education?
- Are old ideas better than new ones?
- Are the classics important?
- Are some school subjects more important than others?
- Do kids pass through different learning stages?
- What books should our kids read?
- Should kids have the ability to listen?
- Is memorisation important?
- Is narration a valuable skill?
- Are short lessons more effective than long ones?
- Is copywork a good learning tool?
- Perhaps making notes helps kids to pick out the main points of a particular subject.
- If they make impressive looking books, does this help them value their knowledge?
- Should learning be fun?
- Should it be challenging?
And while I was pondering, I experimented. My poor children! They were my educational guinea pigs. Yes, we tried all the different homeschooling methods.
I was always full of enthusiasm as I put a method into action. I found the right resources, put the system into place, and then hoped my kids would soon be producing impressive work, indicating that they were indeed receiving a wonderful education.
And my children did produce some impressive work. They put together interesting lapbooks and beautiful nature journals. They enjoyed hundreds of living books, including many classics. They got excited by music and art. They loved Shakespeare and poetry. But despite these successes, no method lasted very long. We found it hard to keep following the necessary steps: “Do we really have to do this?” Learning soon became a chore, and we’d start battling with each other. I then knew it was time for a change. Perhaps we should try another homeschooling method. Should we return to one we’d already tried? Would it be different this time around? Once again, I’d start reading and researching and thinking.
Homeschooling was turning out to be a lot more complicated than I’d first imagined. With my confidence ebbing away, I faced the fact that none of the homeschooling methods was working. I knew it was time to stop experimenting before my relationship with my kids was damaged beyond repair.
It took me a long time to realise that no method will result in a perfect life. Life will always be full of difficulties and challenges regardless of our efforts to eliminate them.
So if no method of homeschooling is perfect, does it really matter what we do? Perhaps each method is as good as the others? How do we decide what’s best for our family?
Well, once I stopped chopping and changing, I decided to look at my kids instead of what everyone around me was doing. I listened and observed and worked out my children’s needs and then tried to fulfil them. And I discovered love, the unconditional kind.
It seems to me that the best way to educate and bring up our children is the way of love.
With a foundation of unconditional love, everything else falls into place. Love will bring joy to life. It will carry us through the difficulties and challenges. It will bind us together so we can help one another. It will make us strong. It will enable us to forgive each other when we make mistakes. It will spur us on to learn and find our place in the world. Unconditional love will encourage us to become the people God created us to be.
So what is this way of love? Could it be radical unschooling? Or are the critics right: radical unschooling is nothing more than irresponsible parenting?
Here’s something that can be found in my book Radical Unschool Love.
Radical unschooling children don’t necessarily brush their teeth or shower, and if they want to exist on an exclusive diet of Coca-Cola and donuts, well, that’s up to them.
Or so the stories go.
And for some people that might not sound like a very attractive way of life at all.
But what if we forget about teeth and showers and junk food? Perhaps there’s something far more important at the heart of a radical way of life.
What if we accept our children with all their gifts and quirks and failings? Treat them with trust and respect, and instantly forgive? Love them just as they are, no strings attached?
What if we love as we’d like to be loved ourselves?
We’d be loving unconditionally. And isn’t that a rather radical thing to do?
So how do we live radically? Don’t worry about other people’s stories (which might not even be true).
Just love.
Yes, when we don’t know what to do, when the options and opinions are many but nothing seems to be working, then we should choose the way of love. We could radically unschool. Because we can never love too much, can we? Love is what we were created to do.
If this view of radical unschooling doesn’t seem right to you, perhaps you’d like to read my book Radical Unschool Love. And then maybe we can ponder the thoughts and ideas within its pages together.
Photos
Three of my (five) daughters, Gemma-Rose, Imogen and Charlotte, who are always showering me with their love.
My Books
School teachers often repeat the same year with the same age group where homeschool parents must change all the time as we go along in the subject matter and the way we teach according to the changing needs if our children. I have tried lots of things that worked for a while and even with unschooling that still happens. One thing I have noticed is that in loving them, taking a real interest in things that interest them and talking to them, my children are willing to talk to me about everything and we can work things out together. And that’s the bit that works and they are never in doubt that I love them every second of every day as they can see that not just in what I say but in my actions too.
Cressida,
Yes! Our kids’ needs are constantly changing as they grow and experience new things. But with unschooling, we do indeed have the time and opportunity to work things out together. I love spending time with my kids, sharing the things that interest them, learning from them, growing together… It sounds like you love doing this with your children too!
This is definitely where I am right now. After homeschooling for ten years, you’d think I’d have found my groove. But I think all the ideas are good ideas and I have struggled to find what works for my three boys. I started with Charlotte Mason. Then tried to go relaxed. But then I wanted to try to Classical model my friends were following. I wanted my kids to be like theirs! But now we’re drowning. I’ve canned the classical for my younger boys, but even my youngest still hates all things school, except the read-a-louds. My high schooler is absolutely miserable. He’s enrolled in a classical Catholic program with some live courses, which is something he agreed and wanted to continue this year, but he has lost all love of learning. He thought he would like the outside accountability and challenge, but it’s turning into a struggle and we’re not sure what to do. My husband and I don’t know when to have him push through the challenge and when to bend and let things go. All I know is I’m weary of the fights and arguments. I’ve been following your blog and podcast off and on over the years, and just recently re-discovered your site after a few years away. I enjoy it even though I don’t think we have the courage (and trust and energy) to fully unschool. I’m working through more recent posts and your ‘Radical Unschool Love’ book right now. It’s giving me lots to think about and encouraging me to make sure that my boys know they are loved, even when things are tough.
Nicole,
I’m sorry it has taken me a long time to reply to your comment. I’m glad you stopped by!
It’s hard when life is full of fights and arguments, isn’t it? I remember a time like that. We spent our days battling. I felt overwhelmed. It was especially difficult because I’d had so many hopes and dreams when we decided to homeschool our kids. Where did we go wrong?
Maybe all the different methods of homeschooling are problematic rather than helpful. We can’t help thinking we just haven’t yet found the right way to do things. When we do find the right method, things will get better, so we keep searching, going from one option to another. It’s tiring. And then we play the comparison game when we hear what our friends are doing and wonder if we should copy them. Perhaps we lose sight of our kids and their needs as we chase the perfect method of homeschooling. At least, that’s what happened to me.
I love how you’re making sure your boys feel loved! That’s what’s most important, isn’t it? I’m sure everything falls into place once we’ve got a secure foundation of love. Love encourages us to listen and respond to needs and not worry about outside expectations and opinions. It gives us the courage to be patient and accepting. It helps us see how awesome our kids are! They don’t have to change or do things our way, according to our ideas.
And then there’s our own love of learning. Could you take time out from your worries to relax and go on adventures and be curious? Become a fellow explorer of the world. Curiosity is contagious. Maybe your learning will spark your sons’ love of learning. How about getting back to basics and have fun with your kids?
Being on the same side as our kids is so much better than battling with them, isn’t it? Learning, doing things together, enjoying life, laughing, doing everything we expect our kids to do…
I’m pleased you’re reading my book Radical Unschool Love! Thank you for buying a copy. At the moment, I’m working on my third unschooling book, The Unschool Challenge. I’ve been neglecting my blog because I’m focusing on getting the book published as soon as possible. I’m looking forward to getting back to blogging soon. Perhaps we’ll chat again here another day!
Wow, I could have written this myself! I recently decided to just unschool… Well, except math. 😉 I know, I know! Charlotte Mason was exhausting and miserable. Classical was getting done but not really sparking enthusiasm. I told my husband “I think I’m just going to have them do a little math every day and unschool the rest” and he said “I think that’s actually a really good idea! Go for it!” 🙂
Jessica
Jessica,
I’m so glad my post resonated with you!
Oh yes, searching for the perfect way to homeschool is exhausting and stressful. And while we’re doing all that chopping and changing, life isn’t very enjoyable, is it? I used to be so caught up with my homeschooling experiments, trying to get things right, I missed out on the delights and joys we already had. I didn’t notice them because my eyes were elsewhere.
A little math each day sounds just what you need at the moment. With that out of the way, you can relax into unschooling. I’d love to hear how you get on. Will you keep in touch?