We decide to unschool. Everything goes really well. Our kids are learning. Our family bonds are strengthening. Life is full of joy.
Then one day, things change. Something happens. Maybe a child makes a mistake. She could choose to go her own way. Do something we’re not happy about. We begin to doubt what we’re doing. We think: Perhaps unschooling doesn’t work after all. Maybe the critics are right: You should have kept tight control over your kids! Yes, we feel like we’ve failed.
We hear a lot of positive things from unschoolers. I suppose that’s because most parents want to share the good stories. But I’m sure, despite all the amazing things that happen, no unschooling family’s life is perfect in every detail.
Our family has certainly had some difficult times. And those times have seemed even worse because I’m a blogger. I’ve thought: What if my readers find out that my kids aren’t perfect, that they’ve made mistakes? Maybe I shouldn’t write about unschooling. I might be leading people astray. So I’ve wanted to delete my blog and run away. Become an ex-unschooling blogger. Become an ex-unschooling family. Yes, I’ve questioned unschooling.
But we’re still here.
While pondering the difficulties, I have always returned to the idea that we have to do what is right, and I’m sure unschooling is the right thing to do. It’s the way we are meant to live. We have to respect our kids and love them unconditionally, and not control them but instead trust. We don’t have a choice.
And so even if a child goes astray, makes a mistake, does something that we’re upset about, we must keep unschooling. We can’t jump ship. We must trust that, despite appearances, things will be okay.
Trust is a strange thing. It’s easy to trust when things are going just as we want: As long as my children choose to do what I’d like, I’m happy to pass over control and trust they’ll be okay. But can we trust when kids don’t act according to our plan? Would we rather forget all about trust and grab back control?
So we decide to trust. And who knows? One day, things just might fall into place. I know about this. I know how it feels. It’s very special.
Yes, it’s a special moment when our trust is rewarded and our children decide for themselves that they’re going to live by the values that are important to us. They return stronger and more committed than before.
Children can make mistakes whether they are unschooling or not. But I think unschooling helps children get back on track.
We have to keep listening, respecting, and loving unconditionally. We have to keep the lines of communication open. Regardless of what our kids do, we can’t risk severing or even loosening the bonds between us. It’s those bonds that will draw our children back.
There are times when unschooling doesn’t appear to be working. What do we do? Perhaps we need to stay strong, continue to unschool, and trust. I’m not saying it will be easy. But it’s the right thing to do.
“I think unschooling helps children get back on track.” There are some tracks running through our village. Train tracks. Disused ones. It has been many years since trains travelled along these tracks. The railway service was discontinued in the 1970s because of the low number of passengers wanting to use it. Gemma-Rose and Quinn are standing on the station platform. The station building disappeared a long time ago.
I love your heart Sue so beautifully put. Nancy
Nancy,
Thank you! I really couldn’t do it on my own. God has picked me up so many times when I’ve felt discouraged. With His help, we can keep going and come through the other side. xxx
I just wanted to say thank you for your blog! I often struggle with thoughts about whether or not unschooling is best. My children are young still just ten and seven, but I worry so often(as mothers do) that my lack of forcing any education like workbooks etc, won’t end up ruining their lives. I know this wasn’t exactly what you were writing about, but worrying none the less. I also love that you’re a Christian unschool family which seems so rare. Most Christian families I come across always do traditional schooling at home and we often feel isolated or just feel like outsiders. I love listening to your podcast as well. Thank you again for writing and recording. It truly helps me stay in the right mindset about education, learning and life. ?
Holley,
It’s hard not to worry especially when we’re doing something different from most other people, isn’t it? What makes us think we’re right? Surely the majority of people can’t be wrong? Yes, doubts can disturb our peace.
I have found it helpful to look at my own experiences and think about how learning works. I didn’t receive a good education despite ending up with good grades and a university degree. I did so many things because I was forced to, but I don’t end up remembering much at all. My heart was never involved with my learning. I didn’t know who I was or where I wanted to go. Unlike my kids. They are passionate about so many things. They amaze me with what they know and what they have achieved. Their ideas, the possibilities, their confidence… I wish I’d experienced that when I was growing up. I spend lots of time listening to my kids and observing them learning. They have taught me so much.
Connecting with other unschoolers is invaluable. We understand each other and what we’re doing. We can offer each other encouragement and support. I’m glad I’ve been able to help via my blog!
Christian unschoolers… It seems to me that unschooling goes hand in hand with our Christian faith. I have attempted to write about this a number of times and have produced some Christian unschooling posts. But sometimes I feel drawn to exploring this area of unschooling more. Maybe one day. First, I must finish my unschooling books!
It’s been good chatting with you. Thank you for reading my blog and listening to my podcast. I’m glad you stopped by!
Thank you so much for your encouragement and time!! It truly helps!! I look forward to reading and listening to your family’s experiences in your unschooling journey.
Holley,
I’m sorry it’s taken me several days to reply to your comment. Thank you so much for your kind words. I do hope we will chat again another day. Please feel welcome to stop by any time!
Thank you so much for writing this, we are in a moment of finding our way unschooling our beautiful 10yo boy. This helped a lot to remind me of what’s important and why we are choosing to unschool, and to support our sons choice to ask to be unschooled.
Marie,
At times, unschooling can seem very complicated, can’t it? Should we unschool? Or perhaps not? We can doubt what we’re doing, especially when other people are doing something different or life feels difficult. I find it helpful to have a couple of simple ‘rules’ for times when I’m unsure what’s the best thing to do: Never do anything that’s unkind and always choose the loving option. It can never be wrong to love, can it? It seems to be the right thing to do. And it fits in with unschooling perfectly!
I’m so glad you found my post helpful. Thank you so much for letting me know! ❤️