I’ve had times in my life when other people have presented me with new ideas and I haven’t wanted to know about them. I hear what they’re saying, but I don’t want to consider the ideas too deeply. Why would I do that? Isn’t it good to be challenged, to learn and to grow?
Sometimes being challenged makes us feel very uncomfortable. What if we decide our beliefs or our actions are wrong? We might have to change. Change pushes us out there into the unknown. We lose our place of security. Of course, we might find something a whole lot better, but that doesn’t always make the first step any easier.
As well as losing our security, accepting new ideas might involve admitting we’ve made mistakes. If these mistakes are associated with our children, it’s even harder. We might not be able to bear the thought we haven’t done as well as we could.
So what do we do? Do we refuse to engage in any challenging discussions? Do we close our eyes and continue on as normal?
I have found that with time, the challenging ideas begin to nag at me, regardless of my refusal to consider them. I find them creeping into my thoughts at inconvenient moments. And then one day, I’m ready to listen. So maybe it’s quite okay to take our time.
And perhaps we need to be gentle with ourselves. Accept that we all make mistakes. No one parents perfectly. We learn as we go.
Whenever I make a mistake, I feel such a crushing sense of shame. How could I have done that? My children deserve better. I’m sure they’ll remember my mistake forever. It’ll scar them for life. And this is silly because my kids are very forgiving.
Why would they forgive instead of dwelling on my failings? The ability to forgive arises out of love. If we love our kids unconditionally and forgive all their mistakes, they learn to do the same.
“I’m the worst mother in the world,” I tell my kids. At least that’s how I feel.
“No, you’re not, Mum. We can’t think of a better one.”
Sometimes the problem isn’t being forgiven by those around us. It’s forgiving ourselves.
I think everything starts with unconditional love. Perhaps that’s the first idea we should consider. Surely this can’t make us feel uncomfortable? To love unconditionally, isn’t that what we are all called to do?
Images: I took these photos of my daughters Imogen and Charlotte while we were filming the music video Can’t Help Falling in Love. A song about love to go with a post about love!
Have you ever changed your mind about an idea that once you thought you’d never consider?
I love seeing how close your girls are! I wish you lots of warm hugs from your pretty daughters to help you loving yourself unconditionaly.
It is humbling to realize how un-perfect we are.. and maybe that is also good, a chance to lean even deeper on Gods shoulder.. Last months I felt like a looser over and over, I`m trying hard but it doesn`t seem to work and I get very discouraged. But it is somehow also freeing to realize that I simply cannot do this beautiful work of nurturing my family well without tons of graces from above, to see how small and helpless I am on my own and to see our heavenly Father lovingly waiting for me to ask Him to simply carry me around for a while. God can write straight with crooked lines; even when it looks .. well, very very crooked. Every day we can have a new beginning. Have a beautiful day!
Luana,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling discouraged. Oh yes, we all need tons of grace! I do love your image of leaning even deeper on God’s shoulder. And how you ask Him to carry you around for a while. It’s like St Therese’s image of God bending down and picking us up as if we were little children. In His arms is a good and safe place to be!
Despite all the difficult times. I wouldn’t change anything. I am very blessed to have my family. I’m sure you feel the same way. Those warm hugs full of love are worth all the pain!
I hope you are enjoying the weekend with your family. Thank you for your beautiful comment!
I have sure felt this way. One time when I was feeling very discouraged and pregnant with my 6th child I felt like I couldn’t keep up with what my kids needed and, even if I could, I didn’t know if I was doing the right things for them. Something, many things, had to be given up and then I was able to move forward and enjoy my life and kids again instead of just existing. Nice article Sue.
Venisa,
Yes, it’s hard to keep up with our kids’ needs at times. Maybe we have to stop and reassess what we’re doing at regular intervals. I’ve also found that I’ve had to give things up in order to simplify life and start to enjoy it again. Actually, I think I need to do some reassessing right now! I’m glad to hear you came through that difficult time. Thanks for reading my post and sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for the comforting words! I’ve run into lots of situations where these feelings arose. Sometimes, my kids are better behaved than I am, and I get to learn from them. It’s an interesting project, this begin a parent thing 🙂
Hamilton,
Yes, I get to learn from my children too. Most parents probably think they’re teaching their kids. However, I think they are teaching us. Parenting is an interesting project indeed! Lovely to catch up with you. Thank you for stopping by!