Do you ever play the game, ‘this time last year…’? What about ‘this time next year…’? How does it feel looking back? What do you hope for the future?
Several days ago, my very thoughtful phone made me a video using some of the many photos in my camera roll. It titled it: This Day 2018.
On that day, four years ago, my daughters Imogen and Sophie accompanied me to Canberra where we gave a talk about unschooling to a beautiful group of interested parents. I wasn’t as prepared as I could have been because I couldn’t decide what aspect of unschooling would suit my audience best. Should I focus on what unschooling is? How to get started? Common concerns? Unschooling older kids? I didn’t really know. But that was okay because everyone had lots of questions which we answered, and nobody seemed to mind my relaxed presentation.
It’s good to meet up with people face to face, isn’t it? I love chatting online, but there’s something incredible about being in the same room with other parents. We can feel the energy, the passion, the interest, the buzz. See people as they are: there’s nowhere to hide when there aren’t any screens. This is the unedited Sue and I have something important to share with you, something close to my heart. Thank you so much for travelling to hear my talk. Being invited to speak is an honour. It’s special. Maybe, one day, I’ll get to do it again in person.
My daughters were happy to go to Canberra to help me with the talk. Like always, I was grateful for their input and willingness to share their unschooling experiences. There was no need for them to hide, for me to edit them in any way. They did a fabulous job sharing unschooling by being themselves.
We gave our talk on Saturday 30 August and then stayed in Canberra overnight so we could do some sightseeing on the last day of winter before returning home. We had a fabulous time exploring museums – we’re the sort of people who read all the information boards – and visiting cafes to sample the coffee of our nation’s capital city. We weren’t just a mother and two daughters spending a weekend away together. We were three friends enjoying each other’s company. Friends because of unschooling, I’m sure.
Four years ago, Imogen had long, long hair which she frequently wore in various thick braids. It was striking. People used to comment: “You can sit on it? Wow!” Then Imogen had her hair cut and everyone commented again: “Your long hair was so beautiful!” I’ve never wished my daughter had kept her hair long. Oh no, short hair is good too.
We sometimes get attached to our own ideas about our kids, don’t we? How they should look. What they should think. What they should be interested in. While we’re busy trying to turn them into who we think they should be, we fail to see the amazing people they actually are.
This day last year… 4… 5… 10 years ago. Do you ever play that game? We might look back and feel grateful or regretful, sad or joyful. We could be amused by the memories.
I wonder where I’ll be this time next year. Where will I be in another 5, 10 or 15 years?
Where will you be?
Will our family connections remain strong? Will we still be friends with our kids? Will we continue to rely on each other as we face the difficulties of life together? Will we always accept one another? And bring joy to each other? Will we still want to be part of our unique family team regardless of what happens around us?
Will unconditional love stay firmly at the heart of our lives?
Will we still be unschoolers?
Photo
Imogen is inside the National Museum of Australia, Canberra.
Something Extra
Here’s an old Instagram story that was inspired by our 2018 trip to Canberra.
Is it okay if we choose not to eat certain foods? What about our kids? Should we all be willing to eat everything that’s offered to us?
I used to think that kids shouldn’t be fussy about food. They should eat everything on their plates whether they liked the taste or not. They should also eat everything even if they weren’t hungry.
I think my attitude towards food had a lot to do with other people’s opinions of me. If we were visiting friends and my children refused to eat the food our hosts had cooked for them, how would that make me look? Would everyone think I let my kids get away with too much? Would they think I was a weak parent? Would they think I was bringing up inconsiderate children?
The other reason that I didn’t want to cater to individual tastes was the amount of work I imagined this would entail. I was only willing to cook one meal that everyone had to eat. There had to be no leftovers because I couldn’t deal with waste. And if my kids loved me, shouldn’t they appreciate my efforts and so eat everything that I’d spent a long time cooking?
Eventually, I changed my attitude towards food. I started to respect my kids’ choices. I discovered it’s not difficult to cater to the needs of everyone in the family because kids are considerate. They do appreciate the effort the cook of the family makes. They don’t make unreasonable demands. And with a bit of creative thinking, most meals can be easily modified.
But that’s food preferences. How about food intolerances? No parent is going to make a child eat a food that causes her to become unwell. We’re willing to do what it takes so that the child has a meal she can eat, aren’t we?
So if we can accomodate the needs of a child with food intolerances, in theory, we can do the same for a child who has taste preferences. But do we? Do we consider taste as something of importance? Or do we think, as I used to, that kids should swallow foods that they hate? (Maybe we forget that this might make them feel ill.)
Photo
Imogen is enjoying a deliciously smooth chocolate brownie in the National Museum of Australia’s cafe. I had a honey jumble. And Sophie had a raspberry and dark chocolate tart. There was something wonderful about that tart: it was dairy-free. Sophie has a lactose intolerance and it’s very rare that she finds such a delicious treat when visiting a cafe!
Did you know there’s a food section in my book Radical Unschool Love?
So, do you ever get the chance to meet unschoolers in person?
Have you been to the beautiful city of Canberra and explored the immensely interesting National Museum of Australia? (If it’s a long way from your home, you could take an online tour using the Google Arts and Culture app.)
And is there a food you absolutely refuse to eat?
Why not stop by and chat?
