Unschoolgram: 2019 October and September

29 October 2019
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When our children are young, we’re the most important people in their lives. Their world revolves around us. They depend on us for all their needs. Maybe we sometimes take our relationships with our kids for granted because we know they have no choice but to accept us.
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Then our kids get older. They move towards independence. They start to look beyond us. There are other people in their world. They can choose to include us or not.
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When my older kids got to the teenage years, I thought a lot about the type of person I was. Was I a person worthy of my kids’ love? Someone they’d like to emulate? Someone they’d choose to spend time with? Someone that they had genuine respect for?
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We often worry about what other people think of us. We do particular things so that they approve of us. Really, we’re no better than teenagers who yearn so much to belong that they’re willing to conform their behaviour, and even their appearance, to that of the popular kids. Maybe it’s silly to pretend to be someone we’re not just so our peers will accept us. But it’s not silly to consider what our children think of us.
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Wouldn’t it be heartbreaking to find out that our kids plan to leave home as soon as they can? That they want to escape and live lives of their own? That they don’t want to know us? How do we prevent this from happening?
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We could start by trying to be the people our kids need us to be, the people we were created to be. Of course, it’s not important to be perfect. We just have to try, and when we fail, we ought to apologise and try again.
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If we want our kids to respect us, it’s important to respect them. We should listen to them. Value who they are and what they think. Love them unconditionally.
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And we should do all this from day one. We shouldn’t wait until our kids are big enough to look at us, eye to eye. (Though it’s never too late to change.) If we love our kids in this way, there’s a good chance that they will always want to be part of our lives even when they move on to adventures of their own.
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We don’t want to be in a situation where we have to make our kids feel guilty so that they’ll pay us attention. We might complain that we never see our kids. Isn’t it their duty to visit us? We’ve done so much for them… And shouldn’t children, even adult ones, respect their parents?
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Wouldn’t it be better to know that our kids give us their time and attention because they want to? That they do this because of love?
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Photo: this is my son Callum. I love it when Callum travels home to see us. (Or invites us to stay with him.) Each time he visits, we make sure we have some mother-son time. We sit on opposite sides of a cafe table sipping our coffee, and I say, “Many people think I’m a controlling mother because you come to visit me so often. You come to keep me happy, so I don’t complain. Why else would you spend time with me?”
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“Because I want to.”
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It’s funny how lots of people don’t realise that control drives kids away.

28 October 2019
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Can kids be trusted? If we give them the freedom to direct their lives, won’t they do nothing much at all? Won’t they choose to be lazy?
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I wonder if we have trouble trusting our kids because we remember what we were like when we were children. Perhaps we weren’t hardworking. Could we have spent lots of time trying to avoid such things as chores? Perhaps we weren’t dedicated to our school work and needed someone to push us along so that we completed our assignments.
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Maybe our experiences have convinced us that it wouldn’t be sensible to let go of control. Kids need motivating. Without us, they won’t work.
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But our kids aren’t us. Their experiences and ours are very different. We probably never had a chance to set our own challenges. We weren’t allowed to follow our interests. Instead, we had to do what we were told. We had to fulfil other people’s expectations. And so we lost our natural drive to work. Why show interest when we have no control?
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I don’t give my kids the impression that I don’t trust them to work hard. Oh no, I have full confidence in them, which is just as well because if I didn’t, my kids would become reliant on me. If I don’t give them their freedom, they’ll end up like I was as a child: they’ll only work when they’re pushed.
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Our kids have something else that encourages them to work hard: our good example. But what if we still feel reluctant to work? That’s not a good example to follow, is it? Well, most parents have no choice but to work hard. That’s the way it is. Family life involves lots of sacrifices. Our kids observe us giving up our time for them, putting them ahead of ourselves, working hard (without complaining!)
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Of course, there are still times when we can choose to work or not. These occasions increase as our kids get older. Sometimes when I have a choice, I want to be lazy and selfish. I want to only do the things I enjoy. I want to use my status as a mother to avoid the more unpleasant work of the family. I’d like to leave the things I don’t want to do to someone else. But I don’t. Because how could I treat the people that I love the most like that? Love is a powerful motivator, isn’t it? It can push us to work hard. It can change us all.
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Photo: Life isn’t all work. Sometimes we need to relax and enjoy ice cream!

27 October 2019
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Of course, we want our kids to learn about the world and gain the skills that they’ll need for their future independent lives. But what happens if our kids have different ideas from us about their education? What if they’re not interested in learning about the things we think are important?
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Some people say that we should make our kids do things even if they don’t want to do them. Push them. Does it matter if they get upset? They’ll thank us later when they realise that we were acting in their best interests, won’t they? Or maybe they won’t.
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Knowledge is essential. Our kids need to learn about all kinds of things. However, relationships are even more important.
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Our kids need to learn about love and respect and trust. They need to know that someone values them, that their talents and interests are important, that they are worth listening to. That sort of learning will stay with our children for life. It will give them confidence. It will result in joy. Our kids will like being who they are. They’ll want to go out into the world and pass on the love and respect and everything else that we’ve shared with them.
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Knowledge can always be increased. It’s never too late. But our relationships? We only have a limited number of years to share the most important things of life with our kids. Will we waste the time we have by fighting with them?
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Nothing is worth weakening our relationships with our children. Does this sound like we’re being soft, ineffective parents? Perhaps we avoid conflict by giving in to our kids? We choose the easy pathway. Or could strong connections – which require a lot of work – with our kids result in trust? Will we end up being the most important people in their lives? If we are bonded closely, will we be able to effectively guide them? Will they be willing to listen to us?
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I think good relationships are the foundation on which everything else is built. What do you think?

21 October 2019
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The other day, I wrote a blog post called Christian Unschooling: Disciplining with Unconditional Love.
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My article starts with these words:
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If our children misbehave, what do we do? Make them sit on the time-out chair? Punish them? Perhaps we should withdraw our love. Be cold and distant. Make things unpleasant for our kids because they need to know how upset we are, don’t they? We want them to feel bad because then, maybe, they’ll remember to act in the right way next time they’re tempted to misbehave.
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Or could all that be wrong?
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I went on to talk about how kids need our unconditional love. And today, I found something else about parenting with this kind of love.
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“Children must never work for our love; they must rest in it.” Gordon Neufeld
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I found that quote in the post, Punishments, Timeouts, and Rewards: Why Conditional Parenting Doesn’t Work (and What Does) which is on the Raised Good website:
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Punishments, Time Outs, and Rewards: Why Conditional Parenting Doesn’t Work (And What Does)

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Christian Unschooling: Disciplining With Unconditional Love

21 October 2019
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This morning, I was reading a spiritual book that mentioned monks and their life of poverty, chastity and obedience. And this got me thinking about obedience. Monks are obedient to their superiors and the rule of their order. They are imitating Jesus who was obedient to God the Father even until death.
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Obedience is obviously good so perhaps Christian parents should demand obedience from their children. Yes, our kids should obey us. We are their superiors. We know what’s good for them. When our kids obey us, they learn to submit their wills. They learn what THEY want is unimportant. Ultimately, they will surrender their wills in favour of God’s. Or will they?
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I think there’s a huge difference between the situation of a monk and a child. A monk chooses to give up his will. A child doesn’t. His parents take it away from him.
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We all have free will. And all of us have to be willing to give it up. Because there are times when we have to do what is right rather than what we might like. But we don’t learn how to do that by being forced. Breaking our wills isn’t the way to conform them to God’s. But love is.
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We often talk about unschooling in terms of freedom. We want to be free. And we should be free. We should be free so that we can choose to be self-giving. So that we put others ahead of ourselves. So that we can give ourselves to God. Because we love.
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The motivation to do what is right shouldn’t be about punishments and fear and consequences, should it? It should be all about love.
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Photo: Imogen and Gemma-Rose are laughing at the silly photos Imogen is taking with her phone. I love seeing the love that my kids have for each other.

19 October 2019
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As you might know, my daughter Sophie and I share an interest in photography. Photography started out as my passion, but now Sophie knows far more about this subject than me. These days, it’s me who’s asking the questions and Sophie who’s answering them.
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The other day, as Sophie was showing me a new editing technique, I remarked that we, like most photographers, enhance our photos by adjusting such things as the colours and the light. Most times we end up with an image that doesn’t match exactly with what we saw with our eyes. Good photographers end up with photos that look better than the original subjects.
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I’ve been wondering how any photo could possibly be better than the original scene or object or person. Surely we can’t make improvements to what God created? So why are our edited photos more pleasing than the real world? Perhaps we’re just not looking at the world properly. Maybe our eyes are dim. They’re not tuned in properly. We don’t see things as they really are.
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Since I’ve been taking photos, my eye has improved. I now see subtle changes in the light. I notice differences in colours. I see things that never used to catch my attention. But still, I don’t think I’m seeing everything exactly as it is.
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In the same way, I don’t think we see a complete picture of our kids. They are far more beautiful, clever, amazing, kind, loving… than we sometimes realise. Why don’t we see our children exactly as they are? Maybe we don’t take the time to look carefully. Could our eyes be dimmed by our own ideas of who they should be? Perhaps our worries obscure our vision.
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The more I take photos, the more I see and appreciate the beauty of the world. The more I observe my children closely and listen to them carefully, the more I realise how unique and wonderful each one is.
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Photo: My daughter Sophie took and edited this photo of her beautiful sisters, Gemma-Rose and Charlotte.

17 October 2019
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You might know that I’m considering deleting my Instagram account. It’s a hard decision to make because I love the IG unschooling community. I’ve made lots of friends and had many interesting discussions on Instagram. So why am I thinking of leaving? I’ve already shared a few thoughts in the blog post ‘When We Reach Crisis Point’. Apart from not being able to keep up with the many things I’m involved with, I said that I don’t want to create any more posts on someone else’s platform that few people will see because I’m not very good at playing the social media algorithm game. I’d prefer to take control and post my thoughts here on my blog.
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But there’s another reason that I’m reluctant to keep posting on Instagram. It’s all to do with noise.
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A couple of weeks ago, after I’d posted something here on my blog, I considered posting the same photo and words on Instagram. Maybe I was missing everyone. Perhaps I felt guilty because I’ve had lots of new IG followers but haven’t posted any new photos. (Could I also have been missing all those likes and comments?) Anyway, I headed over to Instagram. But before I uploaded my photo, I thought I’d catch up with everyone’s posts. I looked and read and scrolled, and then after a few minutes, I’d had enough. I backed carefully out of Instagram and closed the app without posting a photo.
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I’ve been trying to create more silence in my life. I know that if I return to IG, life will get noisy again.
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Silence gives us opportunities to think. To listen properly. To pray. To find out what we’re supposed to be doing. To do good work that might make a difference. I find it hard to be silent when social media posts bombard me continuously. It’s so easy to get swept along in the noisy feed.
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So despite missing my friends, I don’t think I’ll return to Instagram.
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I wonder if anyone else ever has trouble with the noisy Internet. Perhaps I’m creating a source of noise of my own by blogging. Am I another voice in the crowd shouting, “Listen to me, read my posts, think about this and look at that”? It’s possible. I’ll have to be silent and think about it some more!
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Photo: My husband Andy is checking the sundial that we discovered in a local open garden. Is it telling the correct time? It took us a bit of time to work out the time! Sundials belong to a much quieter era, don’t they?
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At the moment, I’m reading Cardinal Robert Sarah’s book ‘The Power of Silence’. Have you read it?
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When We Reach Crisis Point

12 October 2019
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You’ll never guess what I just did. I cleaned our fridge! I can’t remember the last time that I did that. I’ve been swapping daily emails with my friend Jack for well over a year now, and I have never once written these words to her: “Today, I cleaned the fridge!” I’m sure if I had done this job, I couldn’t have resisted telling Jack. Someone else has probably cleaned the fridge in recent months (I hope) but not me.
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I didn’t really want to do this chore. Cleaning the fridge isn’t a pleasant job, is it? Especially when there are lots of containers hiding on the shelves containing food that can no longer be identified. So why did I do it? Well, Andy and Charlotte were at the shops buying the weekly groceries and I knew there was no room in the fridge for them. We’d got to the point where we could push no more eggs, butter, vegetables and chocolate (!) into the fridge. There just wasn’t any more room.
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When Andy arrived home from the shops, I was still only partway through the job. And do you know what my wonderful husband did? He rolled up his sleeves and started emptying jars and plastic containers and then washing them out. That was the worst part of the job.
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Now we have the cleanest fridge in Australia. So if you’re thinking about visiting us, now might be the perfect time. (I remember writing those words in a blog post a few years ago.) Actually, someone is coming to visit us soon. My blog reader friend A and her family are coming to see us next week. We’re going to visit some local sights and have a picnic. Then we’re having dinner at our home. Isn’t that exciting?
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So what’s this photo got to do with my fridge story? Nothing. I just thought a photo of Andy in a beautiful garden is much more interesting than a photo of our fridge. A few days ago, Andy and I visited a local open garden. I took lots of photos of Andy and the garden and the cows in the surrounding paddock. No doubt, I shall post more of my photos another day!
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So are you thinking of visiting us? Would you like to see where we live? How about sitting around our kitchen table drinking cups of tea while we chat? Shall we talk about unschooling or something else? If you come soon, you could admire my clean fridge!
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Have You Been Thinking About Visiting Me?

12 October 2019
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Not so long ago, Gemma-Rose (15) ran in a 10 K race. She was entered in the 13-35 age category and didn’t expect to place. She just hoped to beat her previous best time.
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On the race day, the weather was cold and extremely windy. Running conditions weren’t good and some people obviously decided not to run because they were fewer runners than last year lined up at the start line. But the cold wind didn’t bother Gemma-Rose because she’s experienced much worse while running with me during the winter months. Yes, we’ve faced gale-force winds and freezing temperatures. We’ve crunched our way over frost-covered ground many, many times while running through the bush. All that practice running in adverse conditions paid off. To her surprise, Gemma-Rose was the third female of any age over the line. (She also beat her own race time.) My daughter’s smile was a mile wide when she was presented with her plaque.
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Whenever I share this story, I feel compelled to mention that the winning times weren’t as fast as last year. Probably there were some excellent runners missing. Maybe if they’d turned up for this event, Gemma-Rose wouldn’t have got third place. Perhaps her achievement wasn’t so great after all. Except it was.
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Gemma-Rose, who is brave and gritty, turned up on the day and faced the adverse weather. Other runners didn’t.
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I wonder why we feel we should talk down our kids’ achievements, make them sound not as good as they are. It’s not necessary to do this. Actually, it’s wrong. We could end up hurting our children and reducing the joy that they thoroughly deserve.
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My daughter Gemma-Rose trained very hard and then ran in a 10 K race. Despite the adverse running conditions, she was the third female of any age over the finish line. You should have seen her face! Oh my, it was a magical moment. Such joy! I shall remember it forever.
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Why I Am My Children’s Number One Fan

4 October 2019
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Do you have great desires? Are there things you want to do with your life? Maybe you know in a vague kind of way that you need to do something, but you don’t know what you should do. Or perhaps your desires don’t feel important.
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When I was a child, I had desires, but they came to nothing. Other people said that they knew what was best for me, and so I left my dreams behind. Yes, my desires felt like dreams. There was no way I was ever going to follow them.
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But we should have dreams. We should have desires. Good ones. Ones implanted within us by God.  We should listen to the stirrings of our hearts and take action. Of course, some of our desires may end up being fulfilled in ways different from what we imagine, but they will lead us somewhere. They’ll involve our talents. They will make a difference.
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That’s why I think it’s important to listen to our kids and what they’d like to do. They need their desires. They need to know how to listen to God deep within them. (So do we.) We shouldn’t trample over our children’s desires. We shouldn’t hide them under our own ideas.
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When we aren’t used to desiring anything, we find it hard to desire God. And, of course, we need God. Perhaps all good desires lead to Him. They lead to Love.
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So what do you desire? What are your dreams and hopes? Do you know?
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Our dog Quinn has lots of desires. She knows exactly what she wants: food, hugs, long walks, love. And because she knows what she wants, she finds a way to get what she needs!

2 October 2019
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What happens if your child gets to the teenage years and still hasn’t found her passion? Well, there’s plenty of time. Passions can be discovered overnight.
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But what if this doesn’t happen? What if you’ve been patient? You’ve done lots of strewing and made lots of suggestions. You’ve even tried stepping back out of the way. You’ve tried not to worry. However, your teenager is getting close to the end of the official homeschooling years and she still has no idea about what she wants to do next. What should you do?
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Well, you could say, “You need to decide what you want to do. Choose something.” But if you do this, your teenager may end up wasting time and money doing something that she doesn’t enjoy. 
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You could give your teenager more time because there’s nothing magical about the number 18, is there? Some kids need more time than others. 
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Or you could suggest your child find some part-time work.
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“Getting some casual work is good,” says my teenage daughter Sophie. “It’s a whole new learning experience.”
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And she’s right. Sophie found herself a casual job as a barista when she was 15. She didn’t do this because she had no ideas for a future career. No, she started working because she wanted to be able to afford the equipment she needed to further her passion for photography.
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So Sophie’s reason for working was all to do with money. However, while she’s been employed, she has learnt lots of skills. Useful skills. And she’s also had time to refine her ideas about what she wants to do next.
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At the moment, Sophie is studying for a certificate in fitness. She was able to pay for the course herself because of her casual job.
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I once said, “Parents might worry if their child gets a casual job. What if she decides not to move onto something else? She might be wasting her talents by doing something easy.”
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“There’s nothing easy about casual work,” said Sophie. “I work extremely hard. I don’t mind doing that, but the work isn’t very stimulating so I don’t want to make coffee for the rest of my life. Casual work is only a stepping stone. It’s helping me get where I want to go.” 
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And so it’s likely that other unschoolers won’t want to do a casual job forever either. But, for a time, finding such a job might be perfect for anyone who doesn’t know what they really want to do next.
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Photo: My daughter Imogen works in a cafe for part of each week. The rest of the time, she’s a YA novel author. Imogen’s casual work enables her to follow her writing passion. Imogen usually serves coffee. In this photo, she’s enjoying a coffee made by someone else. (And she’s also telling everyone at home about our latest Canberra adventures!)

30 September 2019
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Is it okay if we choose not to eat certain foods? What about our kids? Should we all be willing to eat everything that’s offered to us?
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I used to think that kids shouldn’t be fussy about food. They should eat everything on their plates whether they liked the taste or not. They should also eat everything even if they weren’t hungry.
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I think my attitude towards food had a lot to do with other people’s opinions of me. If we were visiting friends and my children refused to eat the food our hosts had cooked for them, how would that make me look? Would everyone think that I let my kids get away with too much? Would they think that I was a weak parent? Would they think that I was bringing up inconsiderate children?
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The other reason that I didn’t want to cater to individual tastes was the amount of work I imagined this would entail. I was only willing to cook one meal that everyone had to eat. There had to be no leftovers because I couldn’t deal with waste. And if my kids loved me, shouldn’t they appreciate my efforts and so eat everything that I’d spent a long time cooking?
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Eventually, I changed my attitude towards food. I started to respect my kids’ choices. I discovered it’s not difficult to cater to the needs of everyone in the family because kids are considerate. They do appreciate the effort the cook of the family makes. They don’t make unreasonable demands. And with a bit of creative thinking, most meals can be easily modified.
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But that’s food preferences. How about food intolerances? No parent is going to make a child eat a food that causes her to become unwell. We’re willing to do what it takes so that the child has a meal she can eat, aren’t we?
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So if we can accomodate the needs of a child with food intolerances, in theory, we can do the same for a child who has taste preferences. But do we? Do we consider taste as something of importance? Or do we think, as I used to, that kids should swallow foods that they hate? (Maybe we forget that this might make them feel ill.)
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Photo: Imogen is enjoying a deliciously smooth chocolate brownie in the cafe at the National Museum of Australia. I had a honey jumble. And Sophie had a raspberry and dark chocolate tart. The wonderful thing about the tart is that it was dairy-free. Sophie has a lactose intolerance and it’s very rare that she finds such a wonderful treat when visiting a cafe!
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So what do you think? Are food preferences important? Are there things that you find hard to swallow? Could there be things that our kids also find difficult to eat?
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Did you know that there’s a food section in my book Radical Unschool Love?
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16 September 2019
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My daughter Gemma-Rose no longer has very long hair. But big sister Imogen still has hair she can sit on. I have a story about Imogen that made us smile. Do you want to hear it?
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You might know that Imogen works part time in a cafe. (She’s a YA author for the rest of the week.) Cafe customers aren’t always pleasant. Some are grumpy and complaining and unappreciative. Regardless of how she is treated, Imogen has to keep smiling.
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On Friday, as she was leaving for work, I said to Imogen, “I hope someone compliments you today instead of complaining.” Well, did someone say some nice words to my daughter? Sort of.
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“There was a group of city women having lunch together,” Imogen told me. “And as I was serving their food, one of them said to me, ‘You are a cute country bumpk…’ The woman suddenly stopped and looked embarrassed.”
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“What did you say?” I asked.
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“Nothing. I just smiled and continued serving.”
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Country bumpkin? I looked up the meaning of those words: An unsophisticated person from the rural area of a particular country. Or… someone who is considered to be stupid because they are from an area outside towns and cities. Well, we certainly live outside the city. But stupid or unsophisticated?
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Imogen didn’t take offence. She was amused. So am I.
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The woman’s words were unfortunate. But probably most of us can remember incidents where we’ve said some thoughtless words which we wish we could reclaim. We feel embarrassed, don’t we? Anyway, I’m sure the woman only wanted to compliment Imogen. That’s the way we view it. It’s just an amusing story!

14 September 2019
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Look who had her hair cut! Gemma-Rose had 20 inches cut off her 32 inch long hair. Inches? We use metric measurements in Australia, but we measured Gemma-Rose’s hair in inches because she wanted to send her hair to Wigs for Kids in the US. They require at least 12 inches of hair. So Gemma-Rose had more than enough hair to donate!
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I must admit that when Gemma-Rose announced she was going to have her hair cut, I felt a bit sad. All that beautiful long blonde hair! I felt like objecting but I didn’t. Our kids can make their own decisions about such things as hair, can’t they? As Gemma-Rose said, “It’s only hair! If I don’t like it short, I can grow it again.”
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But Gemma-Rose does like her shorter hair. I like it too! I think it suits her. Do you?

13 September 2019
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Do we have a housekeeper? At first, I was surprised to hear this question at the Canberra unschooling meeting. But after thinking about it for a few seconds, it seemed like a reasonable thing to ask.
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We’ve been homeschooling for about 27 years. Our home has always overflowed with people. We’ve had babies, toddlers, young children, teenagers, and now young adults with all their different needs to nurture, encourage, support, help and enjoy. Where would I find enough time to do the housework? Surely I need a housekeeper?
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I admit there was a time when I’d have loved someone to come along and do all the chores for me. But that was in the days when I separated homeschooling from life. I’d hurry each morning to get the various tasks done, moaning at my reluctant kids to help me. “Hurry up and do your chores! It’s getting late!” Yes, the day was moving on and we hadn’t started the school work. But that was a long time ago…
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It might seem that given the choice, kids won’t want to help with the chores. They’ll choose to be lazy. But that’s not our experience. Everyone in our home willingly helps each other. We work together each morning to get the essential tasks completed before moving onto what we really want to do with our day. I don’t have to moan. I don’t say, “Hurry up!” If for some reason, the chores take longer than usual to do, it doesn’t matter. Things get done. No one stresses about it. It’s just part of life.
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My answer to the housekeeper question might not seem enough. Did my kids just get up one morning and decide that they wanted to help me without complaining? Or did something change within our family that led to everyone being considerate and helpful? Something changed. I changed. If you’re interested, I’ve written a lot of chore blog posts, and there’s a chore section in my book Radical Unschool Love. (The book version is the best because I shared extra thoughts and ideas.)
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Photo: My daughter Imogen is getting ready for a day of sightseeing in Canberra. If you ever get the chance, visit this beautiful city!

12 September 2019
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What am I going to do next? What are my plans? What’s ahead for me? Someone at the Canberra unschooling meeting wanted to know what I’d like to do now that I’ve published my unschooling books. Will I write more books? Perhaps I’ll take up a new challenge?
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I was happily surprised by the questions. Normally, when I get together with other parents, the conversation revolves solely around our children. But it shouldn’t. Parents’ hopes and dreams and interests are important too, aren’t they?
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Our youngest child is 15 so for us there aren’t many official homeschooling years left. Not so long ago, this prompted someone to remark that soon I will be free. It will be my turn. At last I’ll have a chance to make something of my life. Maybe that person thinks I’ve been putting my life on hold while I’ve been bringing up my children. But that’s not true. I’ve been living my life to the full!
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Unschooling isn’t just about children. It’s about parents as well. Parents are still learning. We’re doing unexpected things. Amazing things. Like writing books and blogging and podcasting. We’re doing things that used to frighten us like vlogging and being interviewed. We’re developing our talents. We’re growing as people.
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So what’s ahead for me? Something unexpected? Something I can’t imagine right at this moment? Whatever I do, I hope it’s something that will make a difference.
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So if you’re at the beginning of your unschooling journey, be prepared for an adventure. Your kids are going to do amazing things. And so are you. You’re going to face challenges and learn and grow. You’re going to go places you can’t imagine. Doesn’t that sound exciting?
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Photo: Imogen and I are trying to work out how to use a parking machine in Canberra. Where we live, we don’t have to pay for parking!
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How Both Unschooling Parents and Kids Can Do Amazing Things

11 September 2019
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How do unschoolers learn to write? This was one of the questions we were asked at the recent Canberra unschooling talk. First, kids need something to say before they want to write. Books, conversations, movies… give them ideas. To begin with, my kids acted out their stories while they played. They also drew their stories. One day, they wanted to write them down. Of course, learning to form letters and getting them in the right order didn’t happen overnight. But with encouragement (rather than pointing out mistakes), it didn’t take that long for my kids to become proficient writers.
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There’s not enough room here to say everything about unschool writing, so I’m just going to add something about punctuation and grammar. I went through the school system. I did the usual punctuation and grammar exercises. Lots of them. I did everything the school thought I needed. Then years later, I wrote my first book and when I got to the editing stage, I realised I didn’t know much about punctuation at all. I had a lot to learn before I could publish my book.
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So workbooks and exercises punctuation lessons aren’t an effective way to learn. We learn best when we have a need. Kids will learn grammar and punctuation while they’re actually writing. Mothers might learn the more complicated skills while they’re writing books! And so might daughters. This photo is of my daughter Imogen who knows all about punctuating manuscripts. She has published a fantasy novel called The Crystal Tree and has almost finished editing the sequel, The Shattering Song. The photo was taken while we were packing the car after an overnight stay in Canberra.
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There’s an unschool writing section in my book Curious Unschoolers if anyone is interested. Lots of observations, stories and practical tips. I might also put together another writing blog post.
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Unschool Writing: What About Grammar and Punctuation?

10 September 2019
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What do we want for our kids? A good education? If so, what does that look like? Do we want our kids to get good grades that will allow them to get into university? Would we like them to study degrees that will lead to high status careers? Do we hope they’ll get well paying secure jobs that will set them up for life? .
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Or isn’t that enough? Because even though feeling secure about money is good, that doesn’t necessarily lead to satisfaction and joy. But living a purposeful life does. We all need to know that our lives are valuable and have meaning. We are unique people with individual talents which should be used. We all have something important to do with our lives. We can all make a difference.
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It’s good to know we’re valuable, isn’t it? That what we’re doing is important? It encourages us to keep working hard. It also encourages us to become the people we are meant to be. Although there’s nothing wrong with safe and secure jobs, isn’t it better to give our kids a bigger vision?
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These are some thoughts I shared at the recent Canberra unschooling meeting. My original words were a lot better than these ones, I’m sure. Sometimes spoken words flow out on a wave of passion!
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How Unschooling Is More Than Educating for a Secure Job

7 September 2019
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I made a new podcast! Episode 161 is called ‘Registered Homeschoolers Who Unschool, Confidence and Other Thoughts’.
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From the episode title, it’s obvious that I’m talking about homeschool registration. Can we unschool if we have to be registered homeschoolers? But I’m also sharing a story from when my kids were younger. It’s about those times when we try and help our children without first asking whether they want our help. .
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I guess the main message of this week’s podcast is this: we should have confidence and believe in ourselves. We’re strong and capable people. We can do this!
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You can find my stories of an unschooling family podcast on Apple podcasts (iTunes). Podbean or any podcast app. I’ll also embed it on my blog. I haven’t yet written the podcast blog post. I shall do that today!
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If anyone is interested in more posts about homeschool record keeping, let me know!
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Photo: I’m sitting in the National Museum of Australia in Canberra. I’m taking a photo of my daughter Sophie who is taking one of me! (I’ll have to post the photo that I took.) I love the dinosaur in the background!
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Registered Homeschoolers Who Unschool, Confidence, and Other Thoughts

6 September 2019
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I wonder if more people would unschool if there was no such thing as homeschool registration because how can we give our kids the freedom to follow their interests when we have to answer to the education department? Can it be done? I think it can, and this was one of the messages I wanted to pass on when I was talking about unschooling in Canberra recently.
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This is our 27th year of homeschool registration. In all that time, we have done what we feel is best for our kids. We’ve never had a problem registering them despite the tough registration requirements in our state.
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Two things have contributed to our success: a record keeping system that showcases unschooling and my confidence. We could think of homeschool registration as the government trying to prevent us doing what we think our kids need. It’s about control. I prefer to look at it in a more positive way. Registration ensures all kids get an education. So all I’ve had to do is convince our authorised person that my kids are indeed getting a wonderful education. Which they are. .
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For years, I’ve been working in the background, converting all my kids’ unschooling learning experiences into homeschool records notes. I’ve labelled everything with schooly language. I’ve made everything look attractive and easy to read. And our AP has always been impressed. But that’s not all I’ve done. I’ve also talked to our AP as an equal. I’ve shown her that I understand how kids learn. All of us do. Some of us might not have an education degree, but that doesn’t mean we don’t know a lot about education. How many books have we read? How many conversations have we had? We’ve observed our kids, listened to them, and lived with them. We know them, their needs, and the way they learn best far better than anyone else. That should give us confidence. .
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Sometimes we can get frustrated by regulations we have to abide by. However, often there’s a way for us to do what we feel is necessary. With some creative thinking and by sharing ideas, we can often do more than we think. (I’m writing from an Aussie perspective.)