Kids Sitting Quietly in Church
The other day, I was asked: How do you get young, unschooled children to sit quietly, without disturbing anyone, in church?
This was my reply:
When my kids were very small I didn’t expect them to sit quietly in church. Little children aren’t designed to sit still for long periods of time. So whenever my kids would get upset, I’d take them outside or I’d walk up and down at the back of the church with them. I sometimes got tired of doing this. There were days when I just wanted my kids to sit quietly and not fuss. People told me that my kids were getting into bad habits and they’d never learn to sit still, and on my tired days, I wondered if they were right. However, I kept on seeing to the needs of my kids and ignored what seemed like sensible advice.
And my children all sat still when they were physically ready to do this. They all followed the example of their older siblings and parents and wanted to be in the church and pay attention to the service. It didn’t happen all at once. They just stayed in the church for longer and longer periods of time until I no longer had to take them out. So even though I never insisted my kids sit still, they all learnt to do this.
Sitting in a church mustn’t make much sense to little kids. What are we doing? Why can’t they talk? I found it helpful to whisper to my kids about what was going on and to point out such things as the candles. Bring some meaning to everything on their level. I also brought along a bag of books, small toys and snacks. I was told that this was another bad habit to get into, but again I didn’t listen. The bag of goodies wasn’t needed forever. My kids outgrew it at their own pace.
Taking small children to church can be a very stressful experience. Parents are in the public eye and children naturally make a lot of noise and some people aren’t understanding and supportive. But I’m glad we always took our kids with us and allowed them to participate at their level and didn’t ask any more of them. They always thought of the church as a good place to go, somewhere they belonged and were accepted. They still feel that way!
So what do you think of my answer? Agree? Disagree? Do you have anything to add?
Another question I’m often asked is this one: Should unschooled kids be forced to go to church?
I wonder if this is the wrong question to ask when our kids protest about coming with us. Would it be better to ask, Why doesn’t my child want to go to church?
I shared some thoughts on this topic in episode 121 of my podcast: Kids, Needs and Church.
A Recommended Novel
You’ve probably read Anne of Green Gables, but have you read L.M. Montgomery’s The Blue Castle? The other day, I wanted something to read and remembered we have a Kindle copy of this novel. I also remembered my daughter Imogen saying this is one of her favourite novels. So I was expecting a good read. And I did enjoy it!
Here’s the Amazon description:
Valancy lives a drab life with her overbearing mother and prying aunt. Then a shocking diagnosis from Dr. Trent prompts her to make a fresh start. For the first time, she does and says exactly what she feels. As she expands her limited horizons, Valancy undergoes a transformation, discovering a new world of love and happiness. One of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s only novels intended for an adult audience, The Blue Castle is filled with humour and romance.
You can buy a Kindle copy for only a few cents.
Now I’m planning to read L.M. Montgomery’s Emily series. Have you read these books? My girls tell me they are good!
An Upcoming Homeschooling Book
My friend Karla Marie Williams has written a homeschooling book: Homeschool Gone Wild.
Karla says:
This book is not just for homeschoolers or unschoolers. This book is for any parent who is interested in bringing out the best in their children, any parent who is interested in creating an atmosphere in their home that will bring forth ingenuity, and creativity, and learning and passion for the things God has called them to do…
Karla will be launching her book very soon. If you’d like more details, you could follow her on Youtube, Facebook or Instagram.
Unschooling, Curiosity and Homeschool Recordkeeping
Did you get a chance to listen to my latest podcast, episode 130: Are You a Curious Unschooler?
These are some of the things I talked about:
- Is everyone curious?
- Or can we lose our curiosity?
- Can we strew verbally?
- Do we have to be good examples of learning for our kids?
- Does our curiosity make homeschool recordkeeping easier?
- How can we unschool and also be registered homeschoolers?
The other day, I decided to make a video about unschooling and curiosity. It’s very short. Will you take a look?
The Extraordinary Ordinary Moments of Life
Our life is made up of many ordinary moments which together form an extraordinary unschooling life.
Each day, at the suggestion of my friend Jazzy Jack, I’ve been trying to capture a few of those ordinary moments in words. I just write what comes into my head. It doesn’t matter if I don’t say things perfectly. It’s the memory that’s important not the quality of my writing. Here’s a quick story that I scribbled down the other day:
Gemma-Rose and Charlotte and I had breakfast at the cafe where Sophie and Imogen work. The girls had crepes, ice cream, vanilla sauce and strawberries. Ice cream for breakfast!
Years ago, a shopping centre was being built next to the cafe. It was never finished. The abandoned building was a huge eyesore. We thought we were stuck with it forever. But earlier this year, the building was bought and is now being finished as a block of luxury apartments.
Sophie and Imogen know many of the men working on the site because they come to the cafe for coffee. They often order dozens of Polish donuts which is a Friday special. We like these donuts too. They are filled with homemade plum jam.
There’s a sign in the cafe that says that the donuts are available on all Fridays except for Fat Thursdays. I’m curious: Is Fat Thursday really a Friday? I keep meaning to do some googling!
Photos:
Gemma-Rose is enjoying a breakfast hot chocolate.
Sophie is sliding some Polish donuts into a paper bag. I’d just bought a few for our morning tea!
One of the workmen (who likes Polish donuts!) is stopping the traffic while a truck enters the building site.
I’m wondering: Do you write about the ordinary things of your life? What moment have you written about recently? And how about ice cream for breakfast? Does that sound like a delicious idea?
That’s all my bits and pieces for another week!
Ha ha! I see my name in print.
Lovely to see the photos that went along with the story.
Ooh I like your little video too. Yes, we are curious livers ( not the organ).
I’m always saying ” listen to this”! We also have a family time where we throw any interesting youtube videos onto our tv to share with everyone. It’s a wonderful family time and the kids find some cool things to fuel my curiosity.
They are strewing back at me!
I have ordered The Blue Castle from the library.
Thanks for the recommendation.
Xo Jazzy Jack
Jack,
I’m really enjoying sharing little stories of my day with you like the one in this post. Your suggestion has given me new enthusiasm for writing. Thank you! I look forward to the end of the day when I can decide which moment of my day I want to write about.
“Yes, we are curious livers ( not the organ).” That is such a great sentence. I’m smiling!
I hope you enjoy The Blue Castle. It’s an easy book to read, and quite delightful!
Sue, we had the same experience my husband and I, when we would take our children into church. And we really handled it just like you did as well. Now there were periods where our children were in a church nursery or even in a children’s church service. But once they were too old for children’s church but still young children under 10 years old they would sit in the church service with us. Now having children with special needs can be different and that often you spend a lot more time at the back of the church, lol! We have two Children regularly attending church and we have two who do not. They all love the Lord but have decided at this point not to make that a part of their weekly routine. They are all adults so my husband and I can only pray for them that will one day that will change. Unfortunately over the many years that we have attended church we have had some bad experiences and I know some of them have rubbed off on our children. You can sometimes be in a church situation that can be difficult for your children and when they are adults they take a step back and decide that church might not be the right thing for them right now. We realize that it was their decision and between them and the Lord and can only pray. Hope you are well Sue!
Nancy,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had some bad experiences while attending church. We’ve had a few too. Parishes are unfortunately not perfect places, but I guess that’s because none of us is perfect! We just try to keep our eyes focused on what is important and why we’re at church and try not to let the little things bother us. But occasionally, we’ve chosen to visit a different church to avoid situations that have been difficult for our kids. Overall, our experience of going to church is good and we love going. It’s an essential part of our lives. Maybe the good times your family has experienced within your church will draw your adult children back at the right time. Yes, we can only pray. God will work it out.
Has Nathan started his college course yet? If so, how is he getting on? You’ve both been in my thoughts. I hope all is well with you and your family!
I am Russian Orthodox by religion and we attend a Byzantine Catholic church in our area as in many ways the liturgy resembles that of the orthodox church. I have three children under five. Some time ago when my husband was away on a business trip, I got up in the middle of the night unable to breath. My entire body was in pain BUT (this sounds silly now) I didn’t want to wake my kids up by calling the ambulance. It took about two hours for them to finally fall asleep and I really didn’t know what was worse: laying on the floor in pain and barely breathing or calling the ambulance, waking everyone up, taking them all with me (I had to pack them up, deal with crying and fear of the unknown) just to find out that it was nothing and get an IV with some painkillers. It lasted for about three hours during which I took a couple painkillers, prayed, rolled on the floor, you name it. I have a very good neighbor but I know her shift ended late at night and I didn’t want to bother her either. Anyways, when it all got worse and I was about to dial 911, I said my last prayer which sounded like this: “listen, God, please listen to me. I know that I probably deserve this pain and chances are – it is some sort of a sign. But please let’s have a deal: ‘I promise I will take my kids to church every Sunday if the pain goes away'”(we typically used to go every month or so). Five minutes later I was completely pain free. Now every Sunday we pack a bag of goodies (much like you, Sue) and head to church where my kids twirl, play imaginary games, color, light up candles, etc. We take the front row since the back is always more crowded and my kids can sit still for about 10 minutes after which they as quietly as they can start engaging in their exciting activities. There are fewer dirty looks at the front than at the back! Haha Some people comment in an unpleasant way, some are understanding, but at this point I really do not pay much attention to others’ opinions. Sometimes I wonder how other kids can sit still for so long– the liturgy typically lasts an hour (that feels like 10). We have a big family with 8 kids who all still still and stare. I always want to ask if they wake their kids up at about four in the morning and make them run in the woods until exhausted and bring them to church after that… Because my daughters agreed to come one Sunday ONLY if I make them extra twirly dresses (which I did). I suppose my kids need extra help and that’s why God made that deal with me.
Thank you for your stories!
They always bring warmth into my heart.
Natasha
Natasha,
Maybe putting our kids ahead of ourselves even when we’re in pain is something mothers just do. It’s not silly at all. It’s very loving. I can imagine how much you were suffering during those hours. I’m so glad the pain went away without you having to call an ambulance.
Taking kids to church can be very difficult. It sounds like you offered a lot to God when you said you’d take your little ones there every Sunday. I like how you made extra twirly dresses for your daughters. Going to church is a very special occasion, well worthy of a twirly dress!
Do you know what helped me the most when we went to Mass with our young children? It was the parishioners who smiled at my kids and who stopped after Mass to tell me I had a beautiful family (even if they didn’t sit still!). Those people made such a difference. Their words encouraged me to keep bringing my children to church. I felt that they were welcome.
It’s always good to chat with you. Thank you for sharing your story!