Do you ever wonder if you should push your kids? Make them do hard things even if they complain. Drill them. Give them a rigorous education.
I’ve heard of kids who, after receiving that kind of education, are now surgeons and lawyers or have some other kind of high-status career. Wouldn’t it be good to say, “My daughter is a doctor!”? We wouldn’t have to prove we did an excellent job homeschooling our kids. It would be obvious. People would congratulate us and be happy for our kids, who now have secure and well paying jobs. All that stress and hard work paid off!
I wonder: would my kids have been doctors and lawyers if we hadn’t unschooled? I know this is a silly question. My children aren’t doctors and lawyers because they’re not interested in those careers. It’s got nothing to do with unschooling. If my kids had wanted to study medicine, if that’s where their hearts and talents lay, they’d have found a way to get there. I wouldn’t have had to force them down a structured educational pathway. Passion would have motivated them to work hard, do what was needed, and achieve their goals.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having a high-status career. We need doctors, lawyers and dentists. These careers suit some people perfectly. But other kids will choose to do something different even if they have the ability to study medicine or law. Some will even do something that not many people think is possible. They’ll follow their hearts and their dreams.
Supporting Our Kids’ Choices
A couple of years ago, I pondered the consequences of forcing kids to choose the career we feel is the best one for them. In my post, Why We Need to Support Our Kids’ Choices, I tell the story of a Masterchef contestant who had done a university degree to please his parents and had ended up very unhappy. What he really wanted to do was cook. The contestant had to decide if he should pursue this passion and risk disappointing his family or continue doing something he didn’t enjoy.
Here’s the whole post:
Why We Need to Support Our Kids’ Choices
Passionate about High School Maths
Have you heard of Eddie Woo? Although his parents hoped he’d become a doctor or lawyer, he followed his passion for maths and became one of Australia’s leading high school teachers.
Here’s an excerpt about Eddie Woo from another of my blog posts:
The other evening, I watched an episode of Australian Story called Channelling Mr Woo. It was about Eddie Woo, an Australian high school maths teacher:
From a humble migrant background to internet stardom, maths teacher Eddie Woo is changing lives by providing free maths lessons worldwide on his Wootube site.
Eddie Woo could have been a doctor or a lawyer. He could have chosen a well-paying high-status career but instead, he chose to be a teacher.
I love this story because Eddie Woo followed his passion and didn’t take the safe and secure and expected path. He is a caring and compassionate teacher who is interested in his students. He recognises that a lot of kids don’t like maths because they fail to understand it. His mission is to teach maths in such a way that kids do understand it. His engaging teaching style has changed lives.
A few years ago, Eddie Woo started recording videos of his lessons for a student who was absent from class because of a serious illness. Those videos were shared and appreciated, and now Eddie Woo has his own very popular maths Youtube channel: Eddie Woo. You could watch this very short video to see what it’s all about:
And here’s a recent Eddie Woo Ted Talk:
If you or your kids would like to understand high school maths better and appreciate its beauty and relevance, perhaps you’d like to watch some of Eddie Woo’s videos or visit his website Wootube
Of course, not all unschoolers want to study maths in a formal way. But if you like maths, or if you have to do a course before applying to university, maybe Eddie Woo will help you. It’s always good to learn from someone who is passionate about his subject!
A Controlled Childhood
Recently, I read Andre Agassi’s autobiography, Open. Despite not being particularly passionate about tennis, I enjoyed this book very much.
Agassi’s father wanted one of his children to become the best tennis player in the world. After failing to achieve this dream with his first three children, he was determined to succeed with his youngest child, Andre.
Agassi tells the story of how his father stole his childhood. Every moment of his life revolved around tennis. Although Agassi did become one of the greatest tennis players of all time, he declared multiple times in the book that he hated tennis and was very unhappy, despite this success. Agassi’s story provides lots of thoughts to ponder about control, talents and parents’ ambitions.
The Problem with High Expectations and Control
In episode 187 of my Stories of an Unschooling Family podcast, my daughter Imogen joined me to discuss the problem of control and high expectations.
Should we push our kids to use their talents?
Here’s something I once wrote for an Instagram caption:
I have discovered that pushing kids to do things they don’t want to do is a waste of time. Yes, I can make suggestions and offer opportunities to develop talents, but I then have to step back and let my kids make their own decisions.
But even though I feel this is the right thing to do, a little bit of me still wonders: “But what if she has the talent to be extraordinary? By the time she realises this, it might be too late. Some talents need to be developed early.”
The other day, while I was browsing online, I found an article on the Raised Good website called Our Children’s Busyness Isn’t a Badge of Honour (and Why We Need to Change It). Here’s a quote from it:
I was fortunate enough to see Dr. Shefali Tsabury speak at an event in Vancouver recently. After her talk the audience was free to ask questions. A father asked, “How do we know how much to push our kids in sports and activities when they want to give up?” I will never forget Dr. Shefali’s answer. She said, “Mozart was always going to be Mozart. No matter what his parents did, he would have found anything that was black and white and played it.” Her message was clear; we don’t need to push our kids.
Mozart was pushed by his parents, but if he hadn’t been, would he still have developed his extraordinary talent for music? Would he have been unable to suppress his love of music? Would he still have found a way?
The Podcast Version of This Post
If you’d like to listen to an audio version of Should We Push Kids to Use Their Talents, Aim High and Impress?, here it is!
Photos
My husband, Andy, and I visited Parliament House in Canberra. Maybe some of our kids will become politicians. If they become prime ministers of Australia, one day, their portraits will be displayed in the gallery at Parliament House for all to see!
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So, what do you think?
If you’ve been wondering if you should push your kids to use their talents and perhaps aim for a high-status career or one that displays extraordinary talents, I hope you find something useful to ponder in this post!
If you have any thoughts or stories, please stop by to share them!
I had never heard of Eddie Woo and I have a few kids who struggle with math, so I really appreciate introducing us to his work and hope that it might spark an interest enough to fight me less on learning basic math!
Staci,
I hope you enjoy Eddie Woo’s videos. I found ‘Channelling Mr Woo’ very interesting. I also watched another video about the best teachers in the world. In 2018, Eddie Woo was named a Top 10 Finalist in the Global Teacher Prize:
https://youtu.be/igxb-K92StQ?si=CqaldJmz5RznLhpY
Enjoy the weekend!
I think we should find resources and make suggestions for our kids – especially for areas they enjoy or have talent for – but not push. What I have found with my kids is that because I do not push them, they eventually crave doing challenging things!
My husband and I were just discussing something the other day. I realized that my kids would have done okay in the public schools. They would have done fine in many different settings. However, homeschooling has contributed to them being content with themselves and being the happiest they can be. And that makes it all worth it!
Gina,
I agree: we have to give our kids space to challenge themselves, but we can certainly find resources and make suggestions.
Your comment about public school is very interesting. I remember thinking my first child would have done well in school. I could see her fitting in, getting good grades etc. Yes, many kids could conform themselves to the school system, but they wouldn’t have the opportunity to be themselves and find out what makes them happy.
Homeschooling – unschooling – is certainly worth it!
I’ve thought a lot about this. My children seem to have interests that are varied and when they want to learn something (usually nothing I have set for them or taught them) then they are passionate, motivated and learn easily. If they were successful in the traditional sense of doctor or lawyer then it would only make it easy for me. I would be able to hold my head up high and say ‘look my homeschool worked and you thought it was too risky. You were wrong.’ But that would not be fair to my children. Instead I have learned not to care what others think, but put my energy into supporting their diverse interests. My eldest wants to include beekeeping in his future. I try and not to make them see a career choice as one big choice that will last forever as many people I know came to careers they loved a little later in life, sometime after already having a different career. He might be a beekeeper. He might have a hive in his garden while he does something else. he might decide he hates bees and wants nothing to do with them. Instead I try and value what they want, knowing that over time it might remain important or change, but the experience they gain from it will still be valuable to their futures. I have also noted that many school children we know are not magically leaping into successful, amazing careers, some do, but this is not always the case anyway. So I suppose I take my views out of their way so they can see their ideas more clearly and chase after them. To each their own.
I love your comment so much!
Oh yes, sometimes we might be tempted to push our kids towards high-status careers for our own sakes. Homeschooling works! I was looking forward to boasting about my son who was doing a nursing degree. He was going to be a paramedic. Until he changed his mind! I felt disappointed, but our kids can’t live their lives to please us, can they? And would we really be happy if they did that, knowing they’re unhappy? I don’t think so. Now my son drives trucks and other equipment in a mine, and enjoys lots of sidelines such as car mechanics and farming. He’s always increasing his skills, completing courses like chainsawing and welding. He has lots of ideas and dreams for the future. Yes, our kids don’t need to make one big career choice. That’s so true!
Recently, I asked if any of my readers would like to contribute to my blog.
https://www.storiesofanunschoolingfamily.com/wanted-passionate-unschoolers/
Your comment is so interesting and valuable. Could I feature it in an upcoming post? Perhaps you’d like to share your thoughts and experiences on other topics? I’d really love that.
Thank you so much for stopping by!