How do unschoolers learn to write? Can they gain the necessary writing skills without any formal instruction? I think they can. Actually, I know they can because that’s what my daughter Imogen did! She’s an unschooler who went to university to study writing. Now she has a Bachelor of Arts degree in professional writing and publishing. She’s also written and published her first YA novel and is well on her way to finishing its sequel.
So Imogen is an unschooler and she’s also a writer. I think she’s the perfect person to chat with about this topic. That’s why I invited her to join me for episode 148 of my podcast.
In this episode, Imogen shares her childhood experiences of writing and then offers some suggestions for parents who’d like to support their children’s writing. We also discuss some of my writing unrules which are based on my observations of my own children who all love to write.
Here’s a summary of this week’s podcast, Our Writing Unrules for Unschoolers:
Imogen and I talk about:
- Imogen’s writing story: how she learnt to write, her university degree, how she is turning her passion for writing into YA novels
- How free play is the foundation for creative writing
- How drawing is a form of writing
- How we learn by following someone else’s example
- How motivation for writing must come from within a child
- Books and reading
- How English workbooks are unnecessary
- The progress of my unschooling books
- And lots more!
Show Notes
Imogen Elvis
Website
Youtube
Imogen’s novel
Podcasts
Homeschool Solutions with Pam Barnhill
Episode 150 of the Exploring Unschooling podcast with Pam Laricchia.
Books and Authors Mentioned
Jackie French
Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak
Rick Riordan
Alice in Wonderful by Lewis Carrol
Photo: I took this photo of Sophie and Imogen during my daughters’ recent photo shoot. They were taking photos of books for Imogen’s Write. Rewrite. Read Instagram account. I enjoyed taking photos of them taking photos of books. (I got them to pose for a few too!)
Thank you for listening to this episode. If you enjoy my podcast, please consider sharing the link so we can spread the word about unschooling. A quick review or rating would help too!
Please feel welcome to leave a comment about anything we talked about in this episode. You could just stop by and say hello.
We plan to make a second podcast episode about writing, so if you have any questions for Imogen or me, please leave them in a comment!
Hi Sue. My name is Stephanie. I live in the United States and am unschooling my two beautiful daughters, aged nine and seven.
I found your podcast a few weeks ago and have been listening to an episode or two almost every day since. I love your kind, gentle voice, and you have a knack for putting difficult concepts into words and helping me better understand my own thoughts and feelings about unschooling – and parenting in general. I really appreciate your making the effort to provide these podcasts. They have been very helpful to me these past couple of weeks. So first of all I want to thank you. Thank you very much for doing what you do. I’m very glad that I’ve found your work.
Secondly… well, I have been struggling a bit lately with the topic of spelling and reading, and would love to get your advice. First, just a little backstory:
I was going through a very hard time when my girls were younger – their father was abusive and mean, and I finally left him when they were three and one. I was a newly single parent, and dealing with some bouts of depression and some other similar difficulties. Also, at the same time, I was in the process of discovering the concepts of respectful parenting and unschooling (as well as questioning a lot of previously held assumptions and beliefs about a lot of things). Basically, it was a bit of a tumultuous couple of years for me, and I was a complete mess a lot of the time.
Back then, I didn’t do a lot of reading with my kids. I had a very nice chance to really introduce them to spelling when they became fascinated with typing on my laptop; but I had work to do and only would let them type words for a few minutes before I would take the laptop back and return to my writing.
I feel like I missed a beautiful golden opportunity. Now that they’re older, they don’t show much interest in learning spelling. They don’t seem to have any internal motivation for learning to read. My younger daughter barely knows the alphabet. This worries me from time to time. I sort of go back and forth between letting them be and assuring myself that they’ll learn when they’re ready, and having mini freak-outs because “what if someone says something to me about their reading” or “what if they just don’t care and they don’t know how to read when they’re teenagers” or “what if I get into trouble for not teaching reading early enough?”
Actually, my older daughter is reading fairly well now. But I think that’s only because I couldn’t stand my worries anymore and I started making her work on learning spelling. She’s willing enough when I push her, but although I feel relieved that she’s learning and I’m “doing my job,” I feel conflicted. I try to live by the golden rule when it comes to parenting, and this doesn’t quite fit.
So I guess my question is, how can I reconcile my worries and my responsibility to teach my children spelling with my desire to treat them with absolute respect and fairness? When I have tried to let them come to spelling on their own, I’ve always wound up stressed and upset, which makes me grumpy and snappy and generally not nice.
I feel like I can’t win.
Sorry that got a bit long. I tend to be a little wordy.
Anyway, any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated!
PS: I feel like I should add that both my girls are very capable in general and are learning a lot about a lot of different things.
They have excellent vocabularies and good oral communication skills. I’d say that in most areas they’re doing very well, actually.
It’s just that they’re not very motivated to learn spelling at the moment, and I’m just a little worried that I’ve done some irreparable damage or something. I’ve pushed them – coerced them, really – to learn reading off and on in the past, and I’m sure this has caused them to associate learning to read with unpleasantness. I’ve expressed fears and worries about their learning to spell, and I’ve seen that this has made them less confident in themselves. Also, there were times when I just wasn’t very present with them. Not very available. If they did want to work on their spelling, or other skills, I wasn’t there to help them, and I think maybe that discouraged them from asking later on.
Basically, I’m afraid that something I’ve done has caused them to not care about reading.
And I’m making this even wordier than it already was. I’m sorry about that. I just wanted to make sure that I was explaining myself well.
Okay – I’m going to sleep now. Thanks again for all you’ve been doing. You’ve been such an inspiration to me lately.
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for your kind words about my podcasts. I’m glad you’re enjoying them and finding them helpful!
I’m sorry to hear you had a difficult time in the early days of parenting your daughters. Sometimes we can look back and wish things had been different. We worry about any damage we may have done to our kids. I used to do this with my eldest child. I didn’t parent her as gently as I did my later children. I was an inexperienced mother and made many mistakes which I thought would scar my daughter for life. But kids are stronger than we imagine. As long as they feel loved, they will be okay. We can put things right.
As far as reading and spelling go, I do believe that kids will learn when they are ready. There will come a time when a child has something important she wants to read, or she decides that she needs to be able to spell. The hard bit for a parent is being patient. We get very worried about reading and spelling and often feel relieved when our kids have gained these skills. Maybe we don’t want to be criticised if our kids are a bit ‘behind’. Yes, we also get anxious about having older kids who can’t read or spell. Trusting our kids and putting them ahead of other people’s opinions can be difficult.
If you feel that reading is associated with negative experiences for your children, could you build up some new associations? Perhaps you could offer to read stories to your girls without expecting them to read as well. Make reading aloud times into special times. Later down the track, your daughters may want to read books for themselves.
When we try and teach our kids and we end up feeling frustrated and upset, it’s a good sign that we need to back off. Even if we feel we should be pushing our kids to learn because the skills are important, we’re probably wasting our time. Also, we risk damaging our relationships. Kids don’t learn very well when we’re battling with them. The atmosphere is wrong. Learning should be enjoyable. Sometimes kids do want our help and we can get involved. I guess we just need to be tuned into their needs and offer help in the way that suits them best.
Kids can lose confidence when we keep pointing out their mistakes. I think they also pick up on our own worries. If we think they’re behind and are anxious about them gaining spelling skills, for example, they’ll probably start to doubt their ability to learn. Perhaps we have to be very careful about what we say to our kids. We can’t let them overhear us talking about them either. We don’t want them picking up any negative messages. Instead, we should be encouraging. You said your daughters have excellent vocabularies and communication skills. That’s wonderful! Maybe you could focus on these and build up your children’s confidence.
If you love reading, your daughters will notice. If you don’t pressure them, they might also come to view reading as something that’s wonderful and enjoyable.
I made a lot of mistakes with reading and writing with my older children. I worried they wouldn’t learn to read. Looking back, I can see that my worries were groundless. I could have avoided so much frustration and upset feelings if I’d had the courage to let my kids progress in their own way and time. My youngest daughter Gemma-Rose has shown me that kids can learn to read and spell without formal lessons or even much input from a parent. Despite my mistakes, all my kids love to read and write so their early experiences didn’t have any lasting effects. Maybe that is encouraging news,
I was talking about focusing on your children’s strengths rather than on the things they’re having trouble with. Perhaps we should do the same. Instead of worrying about our mistakes, we can think about all the good things we’re doing with our kids. I’m sure it can’t be easy bringing up two girls by yourself and doing your own work as well. You’re providing a safe and loving home for them. You’re concerned about parenting them gently and respectfully. It sounds like you are wrapping them in your love and doing your best to give them a good childhood. That’s something wonderful. Looking at the big picture, that’s what’s really important, not spelling.
I hope a few of my words are helpful. I’m happy to talk again if you have other questions or concerns. I’m glad you stopped by. Thank you!
Wow – thank you so much for taking the time to write up such a detailed response. Your words are so encouraging to me.
I think you’re right – as long as we treat our children with love and have good relationships with them, they should be able to overcome any obstacles our mistakes might put in their paths. I sure hope that’s the case, anyway.
I also like what you said about Gemma-Rose, and about children learning to read with very little help. They really are quite capable little beings, aren’t they? I suppose a big part of why I worry is I fear people’s criticism. I don’t actually believe my children will grow up and never learn to read if I don’t push them. They will need to learn to read eventually, and that need will drive them to learn, as you mentioned. But I frequently receive not-very-encouraging comments from people (especially my mother) about the girls’ lack of reading ability, and that certainly doesn’t make it easy to do things this way.
It’s so nice to have a little support, especially when you’re doing something abnormal and other people are doubting you. My husband (I remarried a couple of years ago to a kind and sweet man who is very good to me and my daughters) is very supportive of my parenting style, unschooling included. And that has been so great for me, especially when I’m butting heads with my mom.
It’s also really, really great to have some encouragement from someone who’s done it and sort of come out the other side of the tunnel. Knowing that this approach has worked so wonderfully for your family… well, it gives me more reason to believe that it will work well for my family too.
I have announced to my girls that I will not be making them practice spelling and math anymore, and I feel quite good about my decision. I’m hopeful that I can really embrace this approach and let go of my worries, and make their lives just a bit better – a bit more full of love and joy and peace and respect. That’s how I would want things to be if I were in their position.
Stephanie,
You sound happier!
It’s hard not to let criticism get in the way of what we feel is best for our kids. Having support from our family would be lovely, wouldn’t it? But sometimes we have to do without it. Your husband sounds wonderful. My husband Andy always supports me without question. We’re both very fortunate.
Do you belong to any unschool groups? Do you connect up with other like-minded parents on social media or a forum? It can be good to surround ourselves with people who understand what we’re doing.
Stephanie, you’re always welcome to stop by if you need some encouragement. It’s always a pleasure to chat with you!