Junk Food and Poor Hygiene: Is Radical Unschooling Wrong?

Have you heard the stories? The ones about the radically unschooled kids who refuse to eat healthy food and never brush their teeth? Perhaps these stories make you wonder if there’s actually something wrong with radical unschooling. How can parents stand by and watch their child fill up on junk food and let her teeth decay? Surely influencing a child to do certain things is the right thing to do?

Not so long ago, I read a story about a family of children who not only fill up on junk food and don’t look after their teeth but also don’t wash. Unless they want to, of course, though I don’t think they do because their hair has turned into dirty matted dreadlocks.

“Our kids can make their own choices,” said the parents who are proudly living an alternate lifestyle. They’re not imposing their beliefs or values on their kids but allowing them to be free. Their children can decide for themselves what is important. They are free to ignore the basics of hygiene. They are free to eat junk food. They are free to do whatever they want.

Stories like this one horrify some potential unschoolers. Sometimes these parents decide not to become unschoolers after all. And this is very sad because I don’t think these stories are about unschooling children at all. To me, they sound more like unparenting ones.

So what’s the difference between unparenting and unschooling? Perhaps unparenting parents step back and let their kids do whatever they like regardless of whether it’s good for them or not. Unschooling parents know that kids have to be free to make their own choices, but that’s not enough. They want their kids to use their freedom to make the right choices. Choices that work to the benefit of their children.

Good nutrition and hygiene are essential for the good health of our children. Good hygiene is also necessary if we want our kids to fit into the world so that they can live and work with others. Unschoolers are different. Maybe they stick out. But we’re not doing our kids any favours if we encourage them to stick out in a very negative way. And then there’s the matter of being considerate. Surely we shouldn’t impose our poor hygiene on anyone else?

So do we insist our kids wash their hair and brush their teeth? Do we force them to eat healthy food? No, we can’t do that. But we can become so connected to our kids that they will trust us and value our opinions and want to follow our example.

But isn’t working on our connections so that we get the desired outcome wrong? Is it really okay to influence our children’s choices by guiding them along the pathway we value? Perhaps it’s better to step back and not force our opinions on them. Let children make up their own minds without any influence from us about how they use their bodies and what they put into them. Just like the family in the story.

All this sounds okay until we realise that those parents are influencing their kids. They are passing on their values. The message they’re giving them is that good hygiene doesn’t matter. Other people don’t matter. We don’t need to be considerate. Other people can adapt themselves to us, but we don’t have to adjust our behaviour to get along with them. All that matters is us. We can do whatever we like whether it is good for us or not.

And that’s not the way to live. It’s not what unschooling is all about.

If you’ve heard some frightening stories, don’t be put off because you can’t accept that it’s wrong to influence a child. Every parent influences her child in some way. It really is impossible not to. What’s important is how we do it and why we want to.

So forget those stories about bad teeth and dirty hair.

Guide your child with unconditional love, respect and trust along the pathway that’s right for her.

In other words, radically unschool.

Photos: Of course, I’m not inferring that my daughter Gemma-Rose eats junk food and has poor hygiene. I used her photo because I like the expression on her face!