It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was helping my daughter Gemma-Rose learn to read. She’d choose a book and we’d sit side-by-side on the sofa and we’d enjoy the story together.
Actually, I don’t know if ‘enjoy’ is the right word. Reading was a very slow process. We hardly ever got to the end of a book. I’d think, “Will Gemma-Rose ever read fluently?” which was a very silly question because I’d already experienced six other learner readers. Of course, she’d learn to read. In her time. Not mine.
For some reason, our shared reading sessions came to an end. Perhaps we just got busy with other things. Maybe I subconsciously decided I couldn’t stand any more slow painful reading sessions. Or did I suddenly become a very patient mother, willing to allow her child to learn at her own pace?
For a long time I read to Gemma-Rose, but she didn’t read much to me. Then one day, she said,“Mum, can I read you a story?”
I looked at the book in her hand. It was a short chapter book, not a picture book. “That might be a little difficult,” I replied. (I know: I wasn’t exactly encouraging, was I?)
“I can read it,” insisted Gemma-Rose as she snuggled up next to me and opened the book at the beginning of the first chapter. “‘Isn’t it a lovely day, Mum?’ Kirsty Tate said happily, as she gazed out of the car window at the blue sky and sunshine…” Gemma-Rose was off and she didn’t stop. I sat delighted and surprised as she read chapter after chapter to me.
“When did you learn to read?” I asked her and she just grinned and shrugged her shoulders as if reading was the most natural thing in the world to do.
On Friday, Gemma-Rose appeared with a huge stack of picture books. “I’ve chosen some books and I’m going to read all these to you.” Obviously, she’d planned a special event for me. So she settled herself on the sofa and I climbed onto her lap (only joking) and my youngest daughter treated me to all those old favourites I hadn’t heard for some time. She read each one clearly and accurately, with lots of expression, in between lots of giggles. She was enjoying the tales too.
“Last time I heard these stories, I was reading them to you,” I pointed out. Yes, it wasn’t that long ago I was in the reader’s chair. It wasn’t that long ago I’d had to remind myself that Gemma-Rose would read when she was ready. Now she is in the reader’s chair and she took no longer to get to the fluent reading stage than any of my other learner readers.
So I have come to this conclusion: It was just as well I was too busy to worry about Gemma-Rose’s reading. I might have intervened and messed things up. Or was I not actually too busy? Could I be learning? Perhaps I actually trusted Gemma-Rose to go at her own pace. Could I have finally got it right with my very last child?
Sometimes it is me who is the slow learner.
Loved it! I know that it’s true because it’s what I am experiencing right now. It’s too bad that we don’t get more outside encouragement and support to enjoy our children and believe in them! I guess they all need to be diagnosed to fit into the schools now.
Venisa,
Your comment made me think about how inconvenient it would be (for teachers) if every school child was at a different stage when it comes to reading. No wonder kids aren’t allowed to learn to read at their own natural pace. But, of course, our own kids don’t have to fit into the school schedule so why worry about them keeping up with their peers? Yes, it’s sad that this isn’t recognised and we’re not encouraged to enjoy our kids right where they are at a particular moment. Yes, we do believe in them!
Hi Sue!
Just wanted to check if you received the email I sent to you last weekend. I used your gmail address that I had on hand.
Thanks!
Sallie
Sue, I think it just takes a LO-ONG time for those of us parents. who went through the school system to become deschooled. As opposed to you being a “slow learner.” 😉
RE teachers and reading – the whole reason kids are pushed to learn to read at a young age is that b/c of how the traditional system is set up, writing and reading are essential communication skills. There are just too many children per teacher for the teacher to read/write for every one or use verbal communication whenever assessment is required. As a former teacher, I can tell you that YES, it is VERY inconvenient for twenty-plus kids in the same class to be at five or six various levels of reading ability. Thus the skill is pushed.
What drives me mad is that people who don’t understand unschooling (I have to say, I’ve come to prefer the term “life learning”) don’t get that, that kids in school HAVE to read early in order to “succeed” with the system. So we as life-learning oriented parents have to take the flak that comes from that.
Emily,
I feel sad for teachers and their students. Yes, it is inconvenient for teachers to have readers at different levels and they have to push the ‘slower’ ones along, but what else can they do? The whole system is wrong, isn’t it? I can imagine that you felt very frustrated when you were teaching. I know my school teacher husband finds this difficult. If we can let go of all those ideas we picked up at school and relax with our own kids then we are very fortunate. But as you said, we might get criticised by people who don’t understand unschooling if we do that.
I wrote this post quite a long time ago, but it’s been interesting to revisit it and think more about learning to read. I’m so glad you stopped by to add to the conversation. Thank you!
May ask how old she was when she came to you with the books having ‘taught’ herself to read? I’m not asking to so that I have a benchmark but more as an idea of the range of what might be typical for this stage when reading is not rushed or pushed (I know all kids are different). Thanks
Megan,
I didn’t leave Gemma-Rose entirely on her own to learn to read like some unschoolers do. She said she wanted to learn to read when she was about 5 so I spent some time each day with her, reading to her and helping her read to me, and she did learn a lot. However, she wasn’t ready to become a fluent reader. Progress was slow. I became frustrated. Gemma-Rose no longer enjoyed our reading sessions. Eventually we stopped reading together. I wrote this post when Gemma-Rose was 7. By that time, without any further help from me, she could read whatever she wanted! I hope this info helps. Thanks for stopping by!
Did you teach her phonics so that she could decide words? I’m just curious if it was what you had previously taught her that eventually she internalized. Or did she learn the phonics on her own?
Emily,
I did point out how letters work together to produce different sounds. I did this in a low key way while we were reading. Sometimes I’d jot down the letters on a scrap of paper and show Gemma-Rose how the sounds they make can be used in different words. (I had to be careful not to overdo it.) However, I didn’t get her to complete a formal phonics course. We read a lot of Dr Seuss books which we both loved and Gemma-Rose learnt a lot of phonics just by enjoying these stories.