I told this story on Instagram:
I heard a sad story. Two women were enjoying lunch together in a cafe. They were halfway through eating their egg and bacon rolls when another woman approached their table and said, “You shouldn’t eat that food. You’re fat.” She then pointed out that she had no problems with her weight – she was slim – because she was careful about what she ate. She thought the two women should follow her example.
How must the friends have felt? Everyone in the cafe could hear the unkind words directed at them. Their lunch together was obviously spoilt because they didn’t finish their rolls.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this incident. Maybe we’d all agree that it’s not acceptable for an adult to criticise another adult especially in such a direct and unkind and public way. But what about children? We often hear parents pointing out their ‘faults’: “You’re too shy… lazy… clumsy… thoughtless… noisy… stubborn… unkind… selfish. You should watch what you eat… exercise more… When will you ever learn to do…?” They talk about their kids to other people. Their kids hear. How do the children feel?
I think there are times when we all worry about our kids. Maybe we feel we’re helping them if we point out their ‘failings’. They will know what they need to work on. But some faults aren’t faults at all. They’re just differences. And is criticism really the best way to change people?
Our kids aren’t perfect. (None of us is.) But they are still amazing and unique individuals. And with unconditional love, they’ll keep growing and developing into the people they are meant to be. They’ll get there. We all will. Love is so very powerful. When I feel loved, regardless of my failings, I want to become the best wife, mother, friend… person I can be. Why should it be any different for kids?
Later, when I was setting up my mic to record last week’s podcast (a day late!), I was still thinking about that story. I ended up telling it again as part of the episode. And then I pondered the question: How do we encourage our kids to become the people they are meant to be without criticising them and pointing out their faults?
But before I talked about all that, I shared and discussed my story, Why Unschooling Isn’t Just Another Method of Homeschooling.
Yes, in episode 138, I asked the question: What is it about unschooling that makes it different from the homeschooling methods? If the Charlotte Mason or classical or unit studies or notebooking… approach isn’t working for you, why do I think unschooling might be the answer?
I also returned to the topic of unlimited screen time.
So I hope you’ll listen to this week’s podcast, episode 138!
Show Notes
Blog Post
Why Unschooling Isn’t Just Another Method of Homeschooling
Podcast
Episode 70: Trust, Respect and Love Unconditionally
Article
Unschooling 101 by Bridget Bentz Sider:
Photos: My family. We are all unschoolers, even those of us who are no longer of school age. I took these photos recently while we were walking through the bush together near a local river. 2 parents, 5 children, 4 dogs. Not our whole family but quite a few of us! .
When we started unschooling I thought of it as a way to educate our kids. I didn’t expect it to affect our whole family. Yes, unschooling has changed our lives!
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