Do Unschoolers Drift Aimlessly Through Each Day?

Years ago, when I was researching homeschooling methods, I thought unschooling sounded good because we’d be free to do whatever we liked. And if we didn’t want to do anything, that would be okay. There would be no rules, no control, no expectations, no pressure to do anything in particular.

But then one day, I wondered whether unschooling is another word for wasting time. Shouldn’t we make the most of each day? Aren’t we obliged to think carefully about how we spend our limited time?

Despite my desire not to drift through each day in an aimless fashion, achieving not much at all, I didn’t like the idea of living a controlled life where we had to follow a strict plan that accounted for every minute of the day. I’m sure my kids didn’t want to live that way either. So I wondered: was there a third alternative?

Could we live intentionally but still retain our freedom? Was it possible for each of us to organise our days, so we could do the things that interest us, rest when we need to, go on adventures, relax and enjoy each other’s company, take advantage of unexpected opportunities on the spur of the moment, and do all the other things that were important to us? Was there a way to do this that didn’t involve a complicated plan that we might feel obliged to follow?

Could we each learn to take responsibility for our own time and not waste it?

I discovered that, yes, it’s possible to do this. I also discovered that this is what unschooling is all about.

Contrary to my initial belief, unschooling isn’t about using our freedom to drift aimlessly through our days. It’s about learning how to direct our lives instead of letting them direct us. When we live in this way, we gain true freedom.

Directing Our Lives Instead of Letting Life Direct Us

The following quote comes from an article that I wrote in December 2020.

We need to be free to make our own choices about the things we do and when we do them. But what if we end up drifting through our days without purpose? What if we let ourselves get distracted away from what we want to do by such things as social media? We might think we’re choosing how to spend our time. But is this true? Perhaps we’re being controlled by whatever comes along. We’re not living free lives after all because we’re not directing our lives so that we achieve the things that mean the most to us.

Here’s the whole post:

Waste Some Time

Of course, we don’t have to be busy and obviously productive every minute of the day. Sometimes, what looks like ‘wasting time’ isn’t wasting time at all. It’s exactly what we and our kids need to do.

The following story and challenge come from my book The Unschool Challenge:

When I was a child, I always felt I should be doing something worthwhile. I couldn’t just sit and dream, watch TV or read a book for hours on end. I had to be productive and not waste time. Often, I heard, “Isn’t there something better you could be doing?”

As an adult, I’ve discovered that ‘wasting time’ is valuable. We learn a lot by doing such things as watching movies, playing video games, chatting over coffee, and reading comic books and magazines, don’t we?

But what about those times when we’re not even watching a movie? When we’re not doing much at all, are we wasting time? Or are these times very important? We may need a quiet period after a busy one. When we’re not doing much on the outside, could lots of processing be happening within us? Could ideas and thoughts be forming, dreams appearing, and connections developing? Or maybe there are times when our brains and bodies just need a rest.

Could learning not happen as uniformly as school suggests? Our brains might not be designed for ten weeks of full days of intense work before we get a break. Maybe learning ebbs and flows in a natural rhythm independent of the calendar as we absorb, process and rest.

What about our relationships? Could wasting time with our kids be precisely what they need? How about those times when we linger over lunch because we’re enjoying the conversation, sit and listen to our kids who want to share their ideas, stories, and dreams, stop at the park, swing on the swings and giggle with delight together instead of rushing straight home? Do we need to slow down, soak in the moment and enjoy instead of trying to cram as much seemingly productive work into our days?

We won’t always be able to sit and chat and listen to our children, giving them what they need so that they know without a doubt that they’re uniquely valuable people who are very loved. Time with our kids is limited, isn’t it? If we don’t ‘waste time’ with our kids while we can, we won’t be able to return and reclaim the opportunity later.

When our children have left home, we don’t want to look back and wonder: did we do enough? Did we spend enough time with our kids, loving and enjoying and sharing the most important things in life?

The Challenge

1. Waste some time with your kids.

You could linger around the kitchen table sipping tea or milkshakes. You could stay up late munching popcorn and enjoying a movie together. How about snuggling in bed together on a cold day instead of rushing to get on with the day’s work?

1. Allow your kids to ‘waste’ time in their own way:

They might want to chat, think, dream, rest, or play.

So, will you slow down and notice the delights surrounding you? Will you soak up the joy of spending time with your kids? Will you trust that what your kids want to do is what they need right now?

Will you waste some time today?

The Podcast Version Plus Extra Content