Is It Ever Too Late to Start Unschooling?

Is it ever too late to start unschooling? I’ve been asked this question a lot and my answer is always “No!”

Even if a child is a teenager or older, there’s still plenty of time because unschooling isn’t a method of homeschooling that ends at the usual school-leaving age. It’s something that’s life-long. And it’s not just about life-long learning. The most important aspect of unschooling involves relationships.

Unschooling leads to close bonds between parent and child. These connections tell kids that they’re okay, they’re accepted, and they’re loved unconditionally. We want our kids to like being who they are. How they feel about themselves affects so much, including their happiness, their confidence and their relationships with other people.

Our unschooled adult kids could ask, “How about we go out for coffee, Mum (Dad)? I need some one-on-one time.”

And then when we’re seated at a cafe table, our grown up child might say, “I need your opinion, Mum (Dad). I’m thinking of doing… What do you think?”

We might be tempted to lean forward, a smile on our faces, eager to share our opinions. This is the opportunity we’ve been waiting for! “He asked so I’m going to tell him exactly what I think he should do.” But, of course, we can’t do that. That’s not what our kids need. They don’t really need our direction. They just want to talk out loud with someone they trust, hoping we’ll support what they decide to do.

I love listening to my adult kids talking about their hopes and dreams, though I’ve learnt to wait until they’re ready to share them. I’ve discovered that when I bombard them with questions about their jobs and their futures, my words can be interpreted as “I don’t think what you’re doing right now is good enough. Have you considered doing… instead?”

But most times, no questions are needed. My kids are eager to pour out stories of their current adventures and what they plan to do next, and I soak up every word.

If we weren’t already unschoolers, I’d adopt this way of life to experience all this with my kids.

Recently, I was a guest on the Virtual Kitchen Table podcast. In episode 5, Part 1, Erin, Hayley, Ashley and I discussed, amongst many other things, whether it’s ever too late to begin unschooling.

Erin said… ‘it is never too late to become intentional about being kinder, more loving and more respectful with our teens and young adults; an unconditional and curious mindset can still begin with people of any age.’

Yes, it’s never too late to work on our relationships, trusting, respecting and loving our kids unconditionally, regardless of their age.

It’s never too late to unschool.

Something Extra

There are a lot of stories about my favourite second son Callum in my unschooling books. Here’s one from Radical Unschool Love. It’s called Brave and Adventurous and Just a Bit Daring.

We arrive at a sign that warns us not to enter during wet weather. If we can see our tyre tracks on the road, it’s not safe to go any further. Although a few drops of rain fell overnight, it’s now dry, so my son Callum chooses a low gear and guides his truck up the steep and winding dirt track.

After a few long and tension-filled minutes, in which I hardly dare breathe, we reach the top of the mountain, and Callum says, “That view is worth the climb up here, isn’t it, Mum? You’ll get some great photos.”

In front of us, a stunning scene is laid out just for us. We’re the only people at the summit.
As we’re getting out of the truck, Sophie tells me that this is her second visit to Mt Borah. And then she adds, “Last time Callum brought me here, he let me drive his truck.”
“Up that road?” I ask wondering how a learner driver would ever be able to negotiate all the turns and dips of that pot-holed track that threatens to fall into the valley below.

“No,” reassures Sophie. “I only drove when we got to the top.”

I think about my daughter learning how to use gears in a place where skydivers throw themselves off the cliff. What if she’d driven over the edge?

“You shouldn’t tell me about the dangerous things you do,” I say. “I don’t want to know.” But I know my kids won’t keep silent. They always want to share their adventures with me. I guess that’s natural. We do something daring; we escape a dangerous situation; we survive. We want others to know.

“Did you hear about our narrow escape?” I say. I have a story of my own. “We were driving along the back road to town when a kangaroo leapt out in front of us. It came out of nowhere. Dad swerved to avoid it and drove straight towards a second kangaroo. They were huge. I knew we were going to hit them. They were so close. I could see the car crunched, the kangaroos dead.” My eyes light up as I tell my tale. It’s a good one.

I snap dozens of photos of the stunning view, and Callum says, “Aren’t you glad you came up here, Mum?”

And I am. I saw something not everyone gets to see.

Sometimes we have to be brave and adventurous and a bit daring, don’t we? We can’t remain on the sidelines of life where it feels safe. We’ve got to get involved, take up challenges, live life to the full. Don’t let fear hold us back. We must create stories to tell.

But what about the danger? Most times, we inflate it. We tense up and think, “What if?” when maybe we shouldn’t. That mountain top wasn’t small, so Sophie had lots of room to manoeuvre the truck. And I trust Callum. He had everything under control.

“So, what’s our next adventure?” I ask as we climb back into the truck and begin the descent.

And what’s your next adventure? Are you also brave and adventurous and just a bit daring?

Have you read my books, Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love?

And have you listened to episode 5, Part 1 and Part 2, of the Virtual Kitchen Table podcast? If you haven’t, why not check them out?