If it doesn’t feel right, we shouldn’t do it.
For example:
I used to battle with my kids as I tried to get them to do what I thought was important. Yes, they protested, but I had to persist. I had to teach my children the right lessons. Life is tough. We have to do things we don’t want to do, don’t we?
So I pushed my kids to do their ‘schoolwork’ and other things that I thought were good for them. I answered “Why do we have to do this?” with “Because I said so.” I was the adult and my kids were the children so I knew better than them what they needed. Or so I thought.
But I discovered two problems with battling with my kids. Firstly, I wasted time and effort making my kids do things that weren’t important or relevant to them. I’d been more concerned with other people’s opinions and expectations than the needs of my kids.
And secondly, forcing my kids to do these things involved me being harsh and unkind. Oh yes, I used to yell and argue and threaten and get all hot and bothered. My words caused pain to my kids. Our family wasn’t always a happy place.
I told myself that I had no choice. My kids wouldn’t listen to my polite requests. It was their fault that I got frustrated and had to use harsh words. If only they’d cooperate. I justified my unkindness. But deep inside me, I knew what I was doing wasn’t right.
It’s hard to listen to our instincts especially when there are many people around us telling us such things as:
“You have to be tough. Tough love, you know.”
“Kids won’t listen unless they know you’re the boss.”
“Yes, you might have battles, but you have to persevere because it’s your duty.”
But in the end, I ignored all this advice. Instead, I listened to my instincts and did what love commanded.
We don’t have to be unkind and tough. We don’t have to force kids to do things that other people say are good for them. If we want our children to grow and develop into the people they are designed to be all we have to do is love. We have to give our kids lots of love. The unconditional kind. Everything else will flow from there.
I guess that’s the main message of my new unschooling book Radical Unschool Love. Today, I’m hoping to upload the final manuscripts for the print and Kindle copies to Amazon. Very, very soon, we’re going to hit ‘publish’!
As I’ve been checking the proof copy of Radical Unschool Love, I’ve been enjoying my stories. I like them which is probably just as well because how can I expect other people to like them if I don’t?! But why do my stories make me smile? Is it because they are about my family? Probably. But there’s something else that’s making my heart feel warm and that’s love. I loved writing about love. I hope, that if you read my book, the love will flow off its pages and speak to your heart too.
So Radical Unschool Love is about love. But how have I written about it? What is between the covers of my book? Well, there are over 130 stories arranged into 21 sections including:
- Radical unschooling
- Connection
- Rules
- Trust
- Respect
- Love
- Joy
- Forgiveness
- Babies and Toddlers
- Teenagers and Young Adults
- Chores
- Food
- Being Different
- Parents
- Difficult Days
- Concerns
- Our Values and Beliefs
- Christian Unschooling
- When a Child Finds Life Difficult
Photos
Together with my other children, Imogen and Sophie have taught me about love! I took these photos when we went to a nearby river on a book photo shoot outing. It looks like Sophie has found something interesting in my book Curious Unschoolers!
I guess it’s now time to get back to work. I have a book that’s waiting to be published!
Can’t wait Sue! ? My kindle tells me I have 19 more minutes of Curious Unschoolers to finish up and then onto Radical Unschool Love! Thank you again Sue for all your hard work and perseverance to put these wonderful books together.
Deb,
By now, you will have finished reading Curious Unschoolers. I’m so glad you want to read Radical Unschool Love as well. I’m excited because my new book is now available on Amazon!
Thank you so much for your coninual encouragement. There is no doubt that without my wonderful friends I would not have finished writing and publishing these books!
I couldn’t agree more. Let love be your guide.
Your girls make great book models.
And I love that fallen tree!
Congrats on finishing Radical Unschool Love so quickly.
Maybe there is something to be said for unknowingly writing two books at once 🙂
xo Jazzy Jack
Jack,
Oh yes, the girls are good at modelling with my books! I’m glad they are willing to help me. It’s always a lot of fun when we do a photography book shoot together.
We shot a music video in the same area. The fallen tree features in some of my behind-the-scenes photos. It was a cold morning and I took some photos of the girls sitting on the tree trunk while they were sipping coffee trying to warm up. Lots of memories associated with the river and the surrounding bush!
Thank you for your congratulations. Yes, maybe I should always write books in pairs!
Excellent post Sue! Yes, my kids have taught me a lot. Raising my children has taught me a lot too. I’m so glad we don’t have to put a space between ourselves and our children or be harsh with them to raise them properly. We can guide them with love. We can talk to them kindly when there is a problem or concern. I have also been listening to the summit interviews and am loving it so far. It’s given me some new information and helped me feel more excited about opportunities in the future. So many great speakers! I thought it was interesting to hear the speaker about innovations in education because he was a business man who had started innovative new schools and yet he was still pretty mainstream. I loved the idea of educating children in small democratic schools. I feel like that would be so good for our communities and open up many opportunities for young adults, especially career opportunities! I have downloaded your book and can’t wait to get started. First I need to drop some children off at summer camp!
Venisa,
Oh yes, there are lots of good speakers involved with the Summit! It’s inspiring hearing all the different ideas, isn’t it? I have to admit that I’ve got a bit behind with watching the videos. However, that’s okay because I was given a Premium Pass because I’m one of the speakers. I feel fortunate. I’m really looking forward to dipping into the remaining videos at my leisure!
I hope you enjoy my book. Let me know what you think when you’ve read it. Thank you again for your help with the proof copy!
This is just the kind of encouragement our family needs as we transition to unschooling! The title of your article alone seems like a great way for new unschoolers to determine if what we are doing will help build the ‘trust, respect, and unconditional love’ that we long for in family life. Thank you so very much for these inspiring words!
I can’t wait to read your new book! We’ll be buying a print copy and I’ve been checking almost every day to see when it will be ready because reading Curious Unschoolers has brought such joy to our days and we’re excited for more!
Amber,
You were checking almost every day to see if my book had been published? Oh my, that’s very special! You will now know that both Kindle and print versions are available. I hope your copy arrives soon and you enjoy it!
Thank you for this beautiful article! So inspired. I am working on breaking free of societal beliefs when it comes to parenting. I’m getting so much better at honoring my children’s needs!
Christine,
I’m glad you enjoyed my post. It was good to see you’d visited my blog and left a comment. Thank you so much for your kind words!