Poppy died, and I cried despite not liking the cat.
Poppy was a grumpy animal. She was messy and unkempt, preferring not to groom herself. An unpleasant odour followed her wherever she went. We bathed the cat, clipped her long fur, and sprinkled deodoriser all over her body, trying to make her an acceptable family member. She protested.
Poppy died, and we no longer have to deal with a messy, unkempt animal. I should have cheered, but I cried. I cried over an unlovable pet.
Unlovable: do we sometimes regard our kids as unlovable? Do we fail to accept their quirks and recognise how unique they are? Perhaps we look at their traits and label them flaws instead of strengths. Do we try to turn our children into the people we think they should be?
Do we withhold love from our kids, thinking they will change their behaviour if they feel the absence of love? Maybe there are times when we want our kids to feel unlovable.
But love isn’t something anyone has to earn, is it? Everyone deserves to be loved. All the time. Unconditionally.
When my kids were young, and we were having a bad day, I’d often abandon everything at home and head out on an adventure. We’d go to the shops and sit in the food court, devouring finger buns while we chatted and connected. Or we’d visit the playground. Or we’d head into the bush with a picnic.
Some people might have said: “You’re rewarding bad behaviour. You should punish your kids instead of giving them treats.” But I believe that ‘unlovable’ behaviour needs love. Perhaps the more unlovable someone appears, the more they need our love.
And what about us? Sometimes, we focus on our kids but forget about ourselves.
We’re all unkempt, messy creatures, aren’t we? We all have our quirks and flaws. But that doesn’t stop us longing for love. We want someone to love us despite our imperfections. And the messier we are, the more love we need.
My husband buried Poppy in our garden next to Sammy the cat, who died during Advent. We only have one cat now: Jenny. She’s lonely and miserable. She cries. She needs love.
I think I’ll go cuddle a cat.
Why I Wanted to Delete My Blogs
Here’s a story about a day when I wanted to delete my blog because I thought all my positive stories were lies. But I ended up giggling before taking my girls out for hot chocolates.
“What are you doing, Mum?” asked my daughter Imogen.
“I’m about to delete my blogs,” I answered.
“Don’t, Mum! Why would you want to do that?”
“Listen!” I replied. We could hear Sophie and Gemma-Rose crying, and one older son bumping his way around the house in a disgruntled mood.
Earlier, Sophie and Gemma-Rose had been arguing over the possession of a book. I hadn’t taken the time to find out the facts. I hadn’t helped them work out their problem, but instead, I’d impatiently shouted at both of them. After a sleepless night, I was tired, and I just didn’t want to know. I hadn’t wanted to know about my son’s car problems either.
Accepting, Respecting, and Loving Unconditionally
I once had an interesting podcast conversation with my daughter, Sophie, about respecting kids, accepting them for who they are and making them feel unconditionally loved. Here’s a transcript of part of that episode:
Sophie: Parents always criticise: My child doesn’t do this. My child is always spending their time doing that. They’re too shy. They’re too lazy. The parents always seem to be complaining in public about their children.
Sue: Are the children listening at the time?
Sophie: I’m certain they’ve heard their parents say these sorts of things.
Sue: Even if their children aren’t present, do you think it’s all right if parents say things like that?
Sophie: Oh no, not at all!
If you’d like to listen to the full podcast conversation, Trust, Respect and Love Unconditionally, here it is:
So, What Do You Think?
Should we respond to ‘unlovable’ kids with unconditional love? Is that how we’d like to be treated? And what about cats? Do you have any? Are they friendly bundles of fur or are they prickly, grumpy and hard to love?
