A week later, my husband Andy and I saw Sophie again when we travelled to her new home town for a visit. We stayed for a few days, and then it was time for a second goodbye. We had one final hug with our daughter, and then Andy and I headed towards the car. And that was when the tears appeared. They prickled at the backs of my eyes, and despite some deep breathing, forced their way out and rolled down my cheeks.
As we were driving home, I thought about how 19 years sounds like a long time, but it feels far too short. A stage of our lives is over. Sophie has left home, and things have changed.
Our kids are only under our care for a limited time. When they are young, we don’t think about the day when we’ll have to say goodbye. That seems like a lifetime away. But days and weeks, months and years pass in a flash. We can’t afford to waste any of that time with our kids.
We shouldn’t throw away time by fighting with our children. Battling with them won’t pay off. Instead, we should work on our connections.
We can’t put other people’s opinions ahead of the needs of our children. We have to be courageous and do what we know in our hearts is right rather than follow the crowd. Yes, it can be difficult, but we have to put our kids first.
We shouldn’t worry about careers, and how our kids will support themselves, planning for a future that might change. Instead, we should value our children’s current talents and interests. What’s important to them should be important to us.
We must make sure our children feel unconditionally loved and accepted for who they are. We should listen, respect, and trust our kids. Doing this is much more important than focusing on academic success.
With this foundation, we’ll pass on the most important messages of life to our children. They will have confidence and like who they are. They won’t have to wonder if they’re loved and valuable people. They’ll be caring and compassionate, loving and respecting others in their turn. They will know they can make a difference to the world, and so they will leave home ready to live purposeful lives.
And we’ll have no regrets.
So, Sophie is no longer living here in our family home. She has set out on a new adventure. She’s got dreams she wants to follow. Sophie is happy, and, that makes me happy too, despite also being sad that my daughter is no longer sharing our everyday life. Yes, we can grieve and be joyful at the same time.
I don’t really want to change how things are. I don’t wish leaving day hadn’t arrived. No, things are as they should be. Sophie and I were both prepared for the day she left home.
Photos
I took these photos of Sophie a few days ago at Moonbi Lookout. While we were visiting Sophie (and my son Callum), we did some sightseeing, and I took lots of photos!
So, I’m wondering if you also think time passes too quickly. Have any of your kids left home? And have you experienced that strange mixed feeling of joy and grief?
