How Ticking Off Boxes Can Be a Waste of Time

Do you ever tick off boxes? When we have a lot of things to do, making a list, and then ticking off the items as we complete them, can be very helpful. It feels satisfying to see the ticks appearing, doesn’t it? Yes, ticking off boxes is good. Well, it usually is. It just depends on what’s on our lists.

Years ago, I used to have long lists of things I wanted my kids to do: complete maths problems, memorise spelling words, learn grammar rules. Then there was the school syllabus that they were expected to follow. Had my kids done everything required by the education department? Could I tick off a few boxes?

I used to tick things off knowing deep down that, although my kids had done what was required, they hadn’t really learnt anything. They’d gone through the motions of learning but had retained very little. Because of a lack of interest or need, they’d not really engaged with the work. As soon as they’d completed the maths problems, done the spelling test, and filled out the pages of the grammar workbook, my kids would promptly forget everything they’d learnt.

For a while, I ignored the fact that my ticks didn’t mean anything. I liked my ticks. They looked good. They showed me and the education department that my kids had done the required work. That was important. That was enough. Or was it?

While I persisted in making my kids do things that didn’t result in learning, I was wasting their time and mine. We could have been doing something else, something much more interesting and relevant. But it seemed difficult to let go of those ticks. Why? Maybe because those ticks represented other people’s expectations. It’s true that doing what we’re told can sometimes be frustrating, but it’s also safe. We don’t have to trust ourselves or our kids.

Going our own way requires courage. Even though we might like to do something else, it seems easier to stay with the crowd. Even if we end up battling with our kids, we might resist doing something different. Battling? Yes, our children might protest about having to do things just so that we can tick them off our list.

Our children know when we’re wasting their time: “Why do I have to learn this?” They know that our answers don’t make any sense:

“Because I said so.”

“Because I’m the parent and you’re the child.”

“Because you never know when you might need to know that.”

(Do we really think we know our kids and their needs better than them?)

More importantly, our children are aware that we can’t make them learn anything they’re not interested in. Learning is like food. We can’t force either into a child.

Unless, of course, we’re willing to bribe, punish or shame our kids. But if we have to use those motivators to make them learn, is that real learning? And is it right to use such tactics?

When my daughter Gemma-Rose was eight, she said, “You can’t make me learn anything I don’t want to learn.” She didn’t say those words because I was trying to force her to learn. No, she’d just been doing some thinking. Kids are surprising. They think deeply. They know what they’re interested in. They know what they need.

Our children don’t need to complete tasks just so we can tick off items on our lists.

Of course, I’ve done lots of ticking for homeschool registration purposes. For example, I’ve ticked off the required outcomes for the NSW school syllabus. But I have always been able to do that without making my kids learn things that they don’t want to know about. Many times they’ve learnt what’s expected as a result of following their passions. They’re curious people. They choose to take an interest in the world. They don’t need someone else’s plan in order to get a fantastic education.

Some Extra Things

Gemma-Rose’s words, “You can’t make me learn anything I don’t want to learn,” come from the post, Making Children Learn What They Don’t Want to Know

I’ve written many posts about homeschool registration and record-keeping. I’ve made some podcasts too. You could browse my registration and record-keeping page.

You might be interested in this post: How We Unschool Despite Strict Homeschool Regulations. (There’s an updated version in my book Curious Unschoolers.)

And here’s a Unschoolgram post from the June and May page about deep thinking kids who know what they need:

Do we really know what’s best for our kids?

8 June 2019
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The other day we were talking about ‘doing enough’. I described a morning I’d spent with my teenage daughter Gemma-Rose and said, “Did we do enough? Probably most people would think we didn’t do much at all… We spent a lot of time talking and listening and soaking up the joy of the moment. And learning things that have nothing to do with maths but everything to do with love.”
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I’ve been thinking about how our time with our kids is limited. We won’t always be able to sit and chat and listen, give our children time and space to find out who they are, what’s important to them, what they believe… Give our kids what they need so that they know without a doubt that they are loved and uniquely valuable people. If we don’t use this opportunity now while we have it, we won’t be able to reclaim it later. But, of course, it will never be too late to learn such things as maths if we do discover our kids are missing some needed piece of knowledge.
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Perhaps parents worry more about ‘doing enough’ during the teenage years. Time is running out. Will our kids have all the knowledge they need? Should we cram more facts and skills into them? Or should we give our teenagers what they really need? Should we love and enjoy them and pass on our confidence that they will get where they want to go?
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This is my daughter Imogen. She and sister Sophie joined me for episode 147 of my podcast: A Big Chat About Unschooling Teenagers. What do our teenagers need? Why don’t we ask them? Sometimes we think we know what is best for our kids, but is that really true?
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A Big Chat About Unschooling Teenagers

Photos

If you ever get worried about having to fulfil homeschool registration requirements, you could suggest an outing to a museum or art gallery or science centre. Everyone will have a fantastic time, and then when you get back, when no one’s looking, you can get out the school syllabus and tick off a few boxes!

I took these photos in the National Museum of Australia. They are very grainy photos because they were taken with a high ISO in low light conditions. I wasn’t going to use them, but then my daughter Sophie said, “Embrace the graininess, Mum. It gives a vintage look to your photos.” So I’m embracing graininess and not perfection!

Unschoolgram

Well, I can now tick off something on my to-do list: I’ve written a blog post! What’s next? Shall I post something on Unschoolgram? That could be good. Or maybe it will be a waste of time? It depends on whether anyone hops over to Unschoolgram to read it. Will you?

You might know that I’m transferring my Instagram posts to Unschoolgram. So far, I’ve moved all the posts going back to January 2019. I’m about to start work on the posts from November and December 2018. Are the old posts worth reading? Or are they out of date? Well, you might already have heard some of the news such as the publication of my unschooling books, but there are plenty of unschooling thoughts and ideas from months gone by that might be interesting and helpful!

If you’d like to keep up with my new Unschoolgram posts, at the moment, I’m posting on the 2019 October and September Unschoolgram page!

So, do you tick off boxes? Perhaps you are required to do this to fulfil homeschool registration requirements? If ticking boxes is unavoidable, have you found a way to not waste time by making your kids learn things that they’re just not interested in?