What am I going to do next? What are my plans? What’s ahead for me? Someone at the Canberra unschooling meeting wanted to know what I’d like to do now that I’ve published my unschooling books. Will I write more books? Perhaps I’ll take up a new challenge?
I was happily surprised by the questions. Normally, when I get together with other parents, the conversation revolves solely around our children. But it shouldn’t. Parents’ hopes and dreams and interests are important too, aren’t they?
Our youngest child is 15 so for us there aren’t many official homeschooling years left. Not so long ago, this prompted someone to remark that soon I will be free. It will be my turn. At last, I’ll have a chance to make something of my life. Maybe that person thinks I’ve been putting my life on hold while I’ve been bringing up my children. But that’s not true. I’ve been living my life to the full!
Unschooling isn’t just about children. It’s about parents as well. Parents are still learning. We’re doing unexpected things. Amazing things. Like writing books and blogging and podcasting. We’re doing things that used to frighten us like vlogging and being interviewed. We’re developing our talents. We’re growing. Together with our children, we are striving to become the people we are meant to be.
So what’s ahead for me? Something unexpected? Something I can’t imagine right at this moment? Whatever I do, I hope it’s something that will make a difference.
If you’re at the beginning of your unschooling journey, be prepared for an adventure. Your kids are going to do amazing things. And so are you. You’re going to face challenges. Some of them will be difficult. But you will learn and grow. You’re going to go places you can’t imagine. Doesn’t that sound exciting?
Something Extra
Here’s a story about doing amazing things. It’s from my book Curious Unschoolers.
What if My Child Is Ordinary?
Occasionally, I receive an email that goes something like this:
Sue,
I’ve been reading your blog and enjoying your stories about your daughters. They are doing some amazing things. I can see that unschooling is working for you. But will it work for my family? You see, I have ordinary children. They’re not musical like yours. They don’t write. They don’t draw. In fact, they don’t seem to have any particular talents.
Will all unschoolers do amazing things? If you do some googling, you’ll find many stories of young unschoolers doing extraordinary things. You might think that every unschooler has a guaranteed, amazing future. But what if it doesn’t turn out that way for your kids? Will you think you have failed? Will you wonder if you did something wrong?
I have a few unschooled children who are hoping to do amazing things. In particular, my daughters Imogen and Sophie have big dreams. Imogen is a passionate singer and pianist and writer. Sophie would like to use her passions of photography and videography to share her love of fitness and health via YouTube and books and exercise programs. My daughters are working on these dreams. And who knows? One day maybe someone will look at them and say, “Unschoolers do amazing things!”
But I don’t think unschooling necessarily means that our kids are going to become famous singers or young entrepreneurs or international sports stars or bestseller authors or big-name fashion designers with their own line of clothing. Some unschoolers are going to have more ordinary-looking lives. However, they are still going to do amazing things as they make their mark on the world. They’re just going to do it in a quiet way.
Not all my children are doing visibly extraordinary things. For example, my eldest son has an ‘average’ type of job. He isn’t making big waves. But this doesn’t mean he isn’t amazing. No, I think he is a very special person indeed. I say to him, “Go out there and make a difference!” And he does. He uses the talents he has been given to change the lives of all the people he comes into contact with.
I think it’s important that we tell our less showy kids that they are amazing, that they have talents, that they’re making a difference to the world. Sometimes they might compare themselves to other people who are getting more attention than them. Do they feel they’re rather ordinary? Perhaps they think they aren’t doing anything of importance. We might need to remind them that they are indeed unique people with a unique mission.
Sometimes parents might not feel very amazing either. We look around and compare ourselves to others, especially to those who are working in a similar field to us and say, “There are far more talented and successful people out there than me. Why should I bother?” We give up. But we shouldn’t because, like our kids, we are unique human beings. Each of us has special talents. We each have a voice, unlike anyone else’s, and we should use it. How else are we going to change the world? And how else are we going to encourage our kids to do the same?
So I’m always saying to my family, “Go out there and make a difference!” It doesn’t matter if they are cantoring the psalm on Sundays, performing on a stage, teaching a classroom of children, listening to someone, or even washing the dishes, I say those words. I remind them that we can do everything in such a way that our efforts make a difference to the people around us and to the world we live in.
But what if we’re still not convinced that our child is special? If we’re having trouble seeing how extraordinary our children are, perhaps we’re not looking at them in the right way. Could it be that we haven’t yet let go of our own ideas and expectations?
Should we worry if our children appear to be ordinary? Oh no, because they’re not!
Photos
PhotosSome more photos of our weekend trip to Canberra! The first one shows me and Imogen returning to our cabin after a deliciously wonderful buffet breakfast. The second one is of us trying to work out how to use the parking ticket machine outside the National Museum of Australia. We don’t have to pay for our parking where we live so this was a new learning experience!
So, what do you think? Is it important that parents have interests, hopes and dreams? Do you have dreams? And what about parking ticket machines? Do you have any of those where you live?
Yes, I do think it is important for parents to have dreams, too. I think the key is in balancing those passions/dreams with taking care of our families. Right now I am in a spot where I have taken on too much with regards my personal goals. I hope to fix that soon. I think having a little something on the side or a few small things on the side can be great for homeschooling moms!
We have parking machines in the town an hour from where I live but not in my town. I mostly use those machines on vacations in more populated areas so only every few years.
Gina,
Oh yes, we need to balance our interests with our family. I agree! There have been times where I’ve been able to do very little for myself because my kids have needed a lot of my attention. But there are different seasons in life, aren’t there? We put things aside and then take them up again as our children grow. I think I have more trouble with balance now that my kids are older than I did when they were younger. It’s easier to postpone involvement with older kids which isn’t good. I sometimes think I spend too many hours blogging/podcasting etc. Maybe I’ve got something to fix too!
It’s nice not having to pay for parking in our home towns, isn’t it?!
Hi Sue,
You bring up a great point, many people act as though while raising a family there is no time to explore interests ourselves. While it’s true, there are times while raising a family that “me time” is more likely spent by the opportunity for sleep and a shower. But once the children are a bit older we can explore some of our own interests right along side them. That was one of the reasons I thought unschooling was such a marvelous way to live and obtain an education.
For years, in the average person’s life, they spend nearly all their best hours fulfilling the requirements of someone else’s expectations. There is precious little time or energy left after all the “have to’s” to think about what the individual person likes, wants or is even interested in. I spent my childhood chasing after everyone else expectations of me, it was full time work. I never felt amazing. I always felt I was one test score away from total failure. I reached adult hood without a clue of who I was or what I liked or wanted. I followed the “path” I was told would suit me, but didn’t really know myself at all to discern whether I wanted these things or if I just wanted to “people please” everyone around me. I am sure I am not alone in this scenario. I think most people have this experience to one degree or another.
Anyway, I wanted my kids to have the chance to explore what they liked and what they were interested in, without the burden of needing to meet everyone else’s expectations. As you well know, there is a lot of push back. Well meaning people many times get “defensive” if you try to explain these kinds of ideas. I guess it makes them feel insecure about their own choices. You wrote a post not long ago about that very thing. Thank you for having the courage to stand up against the crowd (as always in a kind, gentle way) and question the sanity of doing what everybody else is doing, just because that’s the expected thing! Your blog posts, podcasts and your books give people the courage to question the system and to pursue their own families best interests, without shame. PS we don’t pay for parking here in my little town, but it’s standard practice in many bigger places not far from here.
Deb,
I can relate to your childhood story. I also spent all my time trying to keep up with other people’s expectations and failed to find out who I was and what I liked and what I was good at. Yes, we want something different for our kids. They need this opportunity to explore without the burden of meeting expectations, don’t they?
Oh yes, it can be hard dealing with other people’s well-meaning opinions. Maybe deep down some people would like to do what we’re doing, but they lack the courage so they get defensive. It’s complicated, isn’t it? I guess we just have to do what’s best for our kids. Put them first. Do what they need even if we have to face criticism. Because that’s important, isn’t it?
Thank you for always supporting and encouraging me. It’s easy to have courage when I have friends like you!