Guiding Our Kids by Radically Unschooling

Is radical unschooling all about stepping back and letting our children make their own choices without any influence from us? They might make choices we feel happy about. Or they could choose to do things we feel are detrimental to their health and happiness. Perhaps it doesn’t matter. It’s not about the parent. It’s about the child. Shouldn’t our children be free to do whatever they like even if that means eating a diet of junk food and not washing their hair? This is what some people believe. But not me.

I think we have to guide our kids towards what is right. Not right for us but what’s right for them. Kids need us to help them work out what the right choices are. So how do we do that? We can’t just say, “That food is bad for you. You can’t eat it.” Or “I don’t care if you want to brush your teeth or not. Just do it.” We don’t want to battle with our kids, even if we believe the outcome will be worth the damage our relationships might sustain. (Not battling with our kids isn’t about wanting them to like us or doing what’s easy.)

Disguising the commands with friendly words such as please and adding a smile might make us feel better. But even if that did the trick, do we really want our kids to do things only because we say so? Or do they need to be able to evaluate the choices and make the correct ones whether we’re around or not?

So what do we do if we can’t force our kids to adopt our practices? We can become connected with them so that we can talk about these things. We listen to each other and build up mutual respect and trust. We strengthen the bonds between us. By doing this, we will be able to share our values, our beliefs and practices with our kids. Why shouldn’t they listen to the people who are the most important to them, the ones who they know love and accept them the most?

Connection? Aren’t we connecting with our kids so that we can influence them towards the things we feel are right? And isn’t that wrong? By doing this, aren’t we imposing on our children’s freedom? Or maybe all parents influence their kids in some way. Even parents who say they are stepping back and letting their kids do whatever they like. We’re all giving some kind of message to our children. That message could be, “Certain choices are beneficial. They will increase your health and happiness.” Or it could be “Good hygiene doesn’t matter. Healthy eating doesn’t matter. You should be able to do whatever you like.”

I think that radical unschooling has to be active rather than passive. And if it is, it’s the perfect way to guide kids so that they choose to do what is right and avoid what is wrong.

Of course, some people may disagree. There are lots of stories about radical unschoolers whose children make all sorts of questionable choices. But are these families really radically unschooling? Or are they, instead, unparenting?

In this week’s podcast, episode 137, I share a story of a family who was in the news not so long ago. It was labelled a radical unschooling story. But I wonder if that’s an accurate description. The parents are quite happy to let their kids eat a diet of junk food. They also don’t seem concerned that their children never wash their hair. The kids are free to do whatever they like. But is that okay? Is that really radical unschooling?

I did a lot of thinking about this story, and then I wrote a blog post called Junk Food and Poor Hygiene: Is Radical Unschooling Wrong?

In episode 137, I share that post and then I discuss the following questions:

• Is it okay if our kids make choices that are detrimental to their health and happiness?
• Should we stand back and let kids make their own minds up about everything?
• Or is it okay to guide them?
• Do all parents influence their children in some way?
• How do we guide our kids without forcing our values, beliefs and practices on them?
• What’s the difference between unschooling and unparenting?
• Why do I think everyone should radically unschool?

I also share

• My bad haircut story
• My Instagram news
• An update about the unschooling book I’m writing

Show Notes

Blog post

Junk Food and Poor Hygiene: Is Radical Unschooling Wrong?

Podcast

Episode 109: Why You Should Consider Radical Unschooling

Books

The Crystal Tree by Imogen Elvis

Finish: Give Myself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff

Photos: Just because we eat a good diet doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy a treat now and then. As you can see, we sometimes visit McCafe. We’ll buy the occasional ice cream or thick shake. Mostly, we drink their coffee. It’s good!

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