When I was about eleven or twelve, I swam in a school carnival. I didn’t want to. You see, I wasn’t a strong swimmer. I was rather alarmed when I found out that I’d been entered for a freestyle race. The only good thing about the race was that it was short. I only had to swim the width of the pool. Anyone could do that, couldn’t they? Except somehow I didn’t manage to get across the pool in one go.
Later that day, while I was on the train bound for home, one of the children I was travelling with said, “Did you see that girl who stopped during the race? She couldn’t even swim a width of the pool.” When everyone giggled, I remained silent. I didn’t say, “Hey, that girl was me!”
I’d failed to swim the width of the pool. My fellow students had laughed. I’d felt awful.
Sometimes I fear for my kids. I want to discourage them from doing things just in case they fail. I don’t want them to experience the embarrassment and humiliation that I had to deal with as a child.
In my story Fearing Our Kids Will Fail, I wrote:
Why do I fear for my kids? Do I remember my own experiences of failing? Do the words of disappointed people still echo in my head? “I thought you said you could do that. You’ll have to try harder if you want to succeed.” Do I once again hear the laughs of my peers? “Did you see that girl who couldn’t even swim the width of the pool? She stood up in the middle of the race!” Perhaps I decided that it was better not even to try.
In this week’s podcast, episode 157, I’m sharing this story which is from my book Curious Unschoolers.
I’m also discussing the following questions:
- Do things sometimes seem like they’ll never change?
- Is ‘grinned’ a fabulous word?
- Do we notice and worry about things that relate to ourselves that others don’t notice?
- Do our fears for our kids get in the way of encouraging them to do the things they enjoy?
- Can our fears deprive our kids of joy?
- Is failing really a big deal?
- What’s my latest unschooling book idea?
- Where are we going when we take unschooling on the road?
- Does encouragement work both ways?
Show Notes
My Unschooling Books
Curious Unschoolers: paperback
Radical Unschool Love: paperback
Podcast
Youtube
Photos
PhotosSophie is having fun with big brother Callum. Earlier, they’d gone to the gym together. That’s why Sophie is still wearing her gym gear. Before she had a chance to change her clothes, Callum said, “Does anyone want to go for a drive?”
Thank you for listening to this episode
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Please feel welcome to leave a comment
You could let me know what you think about my new unschooling book idea.
Do you ever fear for your kids?
Maybe you have a fear of failing story of your own to share.
It’s so fun to see your kids playing together.
I grew up in PNG and had minimal opportunities to learn to swim, in fact only on our periodic visits to Australia at the schools we visited. I remember struggling to learn to breathe and swallowing lots of water in the process. But I did win the swimming underwater holding your breath competition!
I bet you were a more empathetic mother because of this experience.
As my Mum says “Nothing is wasted”.
xo Jazzy Jack
Jack,
Oh yes, our experiences give us empathy for our kids. Nothing is ever wasted. Your mum is a wise woman!
Because of my bad swimming experience, I was determined that my kids would have the opportunity to gain the skills I failed to get. They had loads of swimming lessons and learnt diving and tumble turns and all the strokes. They all enjoyed their lessons. The funny thing is that these days no one goes swimming. Several of my children have a chlorine intolerance so they can’t swim in the local pools. Swimming is restricted to our infrequent trips to the coast. But when my family does get the chance to swim in the sea, they love it! I’m still cautious of the water. I sit on the sand trying not to worry about my kids who don’t seem to notice the huge waves. They’re not afraid at all!