What do we do if our kids want to play games for hours, and we’re not happy about that?
We could limit their screen time. Make some rules about when and what and where children can play games.
We could try ignoring our worries, remind ourselves of the benefits of gaming, and then let our kids get on with it (until our doubts overwhelm us once again).
Or we could embrace our kids’ passion for gaming. Instead of just tolerating it, we could encourage it. Get excited and involved. Cheer our kids on. Share it. Learn more about it. Chat about it. Support this interest. We could think of it as a challenge…
Embracing Gaming: An Unschooling Challenge. How many ways can we find to encourage our kids as they play games?
If we embraced gaming, what would happen? How would our encouragement make our kids feel? Would we learn anything about our kids? Would we better understand why they are attracted to games? Would we share in their joy? Would a whole new world open up before us? Would our relationships be strengthened (which might be important if we’d like our kids to value people and the world around them more than their devices)?
So…
We could make rules about gaming and probably end up battling with our kids.
Or we could let go and then possibly grab back control when our doubts once again take hold of us (which will destroy trust between parent and child).
Or maybe we could try this third option and embrace gaming? What do you think? Is it worth giving it a go?
So, will you try this embracing gaming challenge? If you do, please let me know how you get on!
Update: I expanded this post into a challenge for my book, The Unschool Challenge:
Challenge 58: Embrace Gaming.
You can find my books on Amazon!
I’m in the third category…embraced it. Funny thing is that giving them control makes them prone to game less. Think they go through phases. I struggled with it at first but there is much learning going on while they game and it’s a safe environment.
Thanks Sue for bringing this topic up! I feel so encouraged and not alone. 🙂
Esther,
It’s interesting to hear your kids play less games now that they’re in control of their screen time. Did you expect the opposite to happen?
Kids go through phases with games. I agree. So do adults! I played a lot of games during our last lockdown, and then I lost interest until the other day when I suddenly felt like playing a new game. Now I’m again enjoying some mental challenges as I think my way through some video game puzzles!
I’m so glad you feel encouraged. Thank you so much for your comment!
Yes! I tried the first two options again and again, thinking we’d find the sweet spot if we worked with our kids but it never came. It was always a stressful battle, until we tried the third option and it is SO MUCH BETTER. The one thing I’ll say is that your kid may not end up gaming less once you embrace. They might game more. If you don’t think you’ll be ok with that then are you truly embracing? ?
Robyn,
Oh yes, we can’t embrace gaming only in the hope our kids will eventually fill up on games and then move onto other things. That might happen but, as you said, it might not. And if our kids do end up gaming a lot more than we’d like, we could end up back at the beginning, feeling disappointed and frustrated again. That’s such a good point. Thanks so much for sharing it. I’m glad you stopped by!
I have had to go back to the beginning a few times 🙂 I am also glad i stopped by!
Robyn,
I returned to the beginning more than once, not with screens, but with plenty of other things! Trying things out, pondering, trying again… That’s how we learn, isn’t it?
I’m not sure I can embrace this. It’s a really hard one, I want my kids life to be rich and varied and even though I know they get some good things from video games, it has also led to some problems. I let mine play games in the evening and I try to give them a lot of things they do want in relation to the gaming. I discuss with them my worries about them playing all the time and I think they understand. I hope the intentions matter!
willcress,
I love how you discuss your worries with your kids. Perhaps they’re willing to compromise with gaming because you involve them in the decision making? Sometimes being part of the discussion, instead of just being told what to do, makes all the difference, doesn’t it?
Do you take an interest in your kids’ games? Do they like sharing gaming with you? I wonder if they enjoy activities that are important to you.
Oh yes, intentions matter! Maybe issues like screen time and gaming end up feeling complicated because we care so much about our kids and don’t want to do anything that might hurt them. We need to guide them, safeguarding their health and happiness, don’t we? Perhaps the strong connections we gain through unschooling helps us do this.
It’s lovely to chat with you!
Yes I think they like feeling included and can understand my concerns. I do take an interest. So far I’ve learned all about Minecraft I’ve spent hours listening about it and I can hold my own in a pokemon match! Yes safeguarding their present and future health and happiness it is a big responsibility and we’re all just doing the best with the info we have while being open to learning and trying new ways.
willcress,
I’ve become familiar with a few games but not Pokémon, though I did buy a cool Pokémon t-shirt for my daughter Gemma-Rose! I agree: we do our best with the info we have, we keep learning, and then we sometimes change what we’re doing. Being open to new ways. Yes!
I found this blog post by the circuitous route of looking for unschooling books on Good Reads, then looking up your book on Amazon and then finding your blog. And the timing is perfect! My husband and me have been talking about this over the past week as all our 7 year old wants to do is play video games or watch YouTube videos about playing video games. We have been concerned about some of the content of the Your Tube videos, about how frustrated he gets when things don’t go his way, about how hard he finds it to stop when it’s time to go out somewhere or come to the table for a meal and how many arguements it causes.
We all play games in our household, but I am aware that I am bored with his only wanting to play games. I want to do crafts or read or play board game or anything else! But he loves it, he loves sharing it with us, always wanting to teach us, or play multiplayer games or have us help him. This post has encouraged me to try again, to actively engage with him a bit more in his interests. Thank you!
Joanne,
I’m so glad you found your way to my blog!
Screen time is such a complicated issue, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s not easy to see the value in video games. And, yes, there are lots of other things we want to expose our kids to. We get unhappy and so do our kids, and it’s hard to know what to do. Limiting games or letting our kids play but hiding our true feelings doesn’t seem to work. Is embracing gaming the answer? I can’t say for sure because this is an idea rather than something I’ve tried with my own kids. (They didn’t spend a lot of time playing games though they used their screens a lot for other things such as writing.) But it wouldn’t hurt to try this option, would it? At the very least, emerging ourselves in our kids’ worlds will increase our understanding of gaming and will allow us to see things from our kids’ points of view. And we might have fun along the way! Also, will our kids be more willing to engage with the things that are important to us if we are enthusiastic about their interests?
It’s been a few days since you wrote your comment. (I’m sorry I’ve been slow with my reply!) How are things going? Have you discovered anything interesting? I’d love to hear if embracing gaming is making a difference for your family.
Joanne, thank you so much for stopping by. I’ve enjoyed chatting with you!
Hi Sue. I have been reading your book Radical Unschooling Love which has really helped me refocus and feel reinvigorated about our unschooling decision and journey! So encouraging! We sat down with our son and asked him what he is interested in right now. We hadn’t done this since April which is a long time in a short life! He shared some interests beyond gaming that we can support but also expressed how much gaming means to him. After that I sat down and wrote down all the interests and what he could learn from them, including school subject areas, emotional and social development and anything else I could think of. Just reminded me how much he is learning! So we will be allowing as much gaming as he wants, monitoring what he watches on YouTube, which we have talked with him about, and providing time for bike rides, trips to the park, exploring and the other things he wants to do.
Joanne,
I’m so happy you’re reading my book Radical Unschool Love! Thank you for buying a copy. The stories are close to my heart. As you probably realise, I’m passionate about unconditional love!
Oh yes, when we look carefully at what our kids are doing, we realise they are learning a lot. Writing things down and translating everything into educational language can be reassuring, can’t it?
Joanne, you sound happy and excited about unschooling. I’m glad! Thank you so much for stopping by again. Stay in touch!
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