Do You Need a Happy List?

I’m at a cafe with my pretend friend Amina, who places her mug of coffee on the table between us, sighs and says, “Unschooling doesn’t guarantee our kids won’t have challenges in life, does it?”

“I wish it did,” I reply.

“Oh, yes, wouldn’t it be good if our kids sailed through life feeling happy all the time?”

“We’ve all got to face difficulties,” I say, “including our kids.” It’s my turn to sigh.

Amina nods. “Yes, that’s the way life is. We have no choice: we have to face the challenges.”

“I guess we learn from them.”

We’re silent for a moment as we sip our coffees. Then Amina says, “Sometimes I wish my mother’s heart was tougher. It’s hard seeing our kids struggling or hurting or making mistakes.”

“We’re mothers. We feel what our kids are feeling. It’s overwhelming at times.”

Amina hides a yawn behind her hand and says, “I didn’t get much sleep last night. Pia needed to talk about something, so we stayed up late. Then, when I got to bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I just want to take away her pain. Put things right for her. But there’s nothing I can do.”

“Often, we can’t do anything, can we?” I say. “All we can do is listen. Have empathy. Keep loving our kids unconditionally. And trust they’ll work things out. They’re strong. They’ll be okay.”

“But what about us?” asks Amina. “Will we survive? How do we cope with all the parenting ups and downs? I often absorb everyone else’s stresses and end up feeling more overwhelmed than my kids.”

“Maybe we need to take time for ourselves. Do things that make us feel happy.”

“Wearing bright lipstick makes me happy,” says Amina, her happy lips lifting into a smile.

“How about flowers?” I ask. “They lift my mood.”

“And reading a good book.”

”I love writing.”

“I wish I knew how to play the piano.”

“I listen to other people’s music.”

“Walking is good, especially with a dog.”

“Or running through the bush.”

”How about watching the sunrise?”

”Or watching the waves rolling onto the shore, one after another, never ending. I always feel so small compared to the ocean. My problems feel smaller too. They’re nothing God can’t take care of.”

”Wriggling bare toes in the sand?”

“Snuggling up to a velvet-soft dog?”

”A hug feels good.”

“So does holding hands.”

“I like to put on my PJs early and enjoy a glass of wine at the end of the day,” says Amina.

“Oh yes, I love doing that too.”

Amina and I swap more happy things, and then I reach for my phone, saying, “I’m going to write everything down.” I open the notes app and, as I type, I say, “My happy list: reading my Bible, watching the birds through the kitchen window, wading through puddles on a rainy day, grabbing my camera and heading into the bush to take photos, turning my face to the sun and closing my eyes, listening to the kookaburras laughing as I hang out the washing.”

I look at Amina and add, “Having coffee with a good friend.”

Amina grins. “I think I’ll write a happy list too.”

“We could sprinkle happy things into our days,” I suggest. “They’ll remind us that life is good even on difficult days.”

After saying goodbye to Amina, I head home. I hardly notice the drive back from town because my mind is busy with a new idea. I’m going to make a happy list video. That’ll make me happy. When the real world gets too much, I like to retreat into my creative world, do something fun, and play for a while.

So, do you have a happy list?

You could do Challenge 57  from my book, The Unschool Challenge. Of course, it’s called Write a Happy List!