Do We Have Trouble Trusting Our Kids Because of Our Own Experiences?

Can kids be trusted? If we give them the freedom to direct their lives, won’t they do nothing much at all? Won’t they choose to be lazy?

I wonder if we have trouble trusting our kids because we remember what we were like when we were children. Perhaps we weren’t hardworking. Could we have spent lots of time trying to avoid such things as chores? Maybe we weren’t dedicated to our school work and needed someone to push us along so that we completed our assignments.

Could our experiences have convinced us that it wouldn’t be sensible to let go of control? Kids need motivating. Without us, they won’t work.

But our kids aren’t us. Their experiences and ours are very different. We probably never had a chance to set our own challenges. We weren’t allowed to follow our interests. Instead, we had to do what our parents and teachers decided was best for us. We had to fulfil other people’s expectations. And so we lost our inborn drive to work. Why show interest when we have no control?

I don’t give my kids the impression that I don’t trust them to work hard. Oh no, I have full confidence in them, which is just as well because if I didn’t, my kids would become reliant on me. If I don’t give them their freedom, they’ll end up like I was as a child: they’ll only work when other people push them.

Our kids have something else that encourages them to work hard: our good example. But what if we are still reluctant to work? That’s not a good example to follow, is it? Well, most parents can’t choose to be lazy. Family life involves lots of sacrifices. That’s just the way it is. So, our kids observe us giving up our time for them, putting them ahead of ourselves, working hard (without complaining!).

Of course, there are still times when we can choose to work or not. These occasions increase as our kids get older. Sometimes when I have a choice, I feel like being lazy and selfish. I want only to do the things I enjoy. I want to use my status as a mother to avoid the more unpleasant work of the family. I’d like to leave the things I don’t want to do to someone else. But I don’t. Because how could I treat the people that I love the most like that?

Love is a powerful motivator, isn’t it? It can push us to do difficult things, things we might not want to do. It can change us all.

Photos

Of course, we don’t have to work hard all the time. Some days are perfect for strolling around gardens with a daughter and a camera, admiring the spring flowers. The hard work begins when Sophie and I get home and start editing our photos!