Directing Our Lives Instead of Letting Life Direct Us

I‘ve always wondered about the connection between freedom and not wasting time. We have a limited number of hours, so we should make the most of them, shouldn’t we? But we don’t want to live on a tight schedule, slotting activities into every minute of our days ahead of time.

We need to be free to make our own choices about the things we do and when we do them. But what if we end up drifting through our days without purpose? What if we let ourselves get distracted away from what we want to do by such things as social media? We might think we’re choosing how to spend our time. But is this true? Perhaps we’re being controlled by whatever comes along. We’re not living free lives after all because we’re not directing our lives so that we achieve the things that mean the most to us.

Every so often, I think how wonderful it is that I’m free to get up each morning and do whatever I like. I might greet the day as it appears, not making plans, open to whatever comes along. And sometimes this approach works out perfectly because we need to slow down and appreciate the things around us, and take advantage of the learning that presents itself to us at each moment. But if I live every day like this, I begin to feel dissatisfied because I never make progress on such things as my writing. I realise that I can’t let life control me. I have to take charge of it. So I’ve been making a few loose plans, blocking out time for writing, exercise, and for deliberately working on my skills.

I’ve been watching my daughter Imogen. She has a planner where she blocks out time for all her important things. She’s working hard and achieving a lot. (She wrote four draft NaNoWriMo novels during November and that gives her a feeling of joy as well as satisfaction.) Imogen’s way of working led my thoughts to unschooling and planning.

We never mention planning when we’re talking about unschooling, do we? Perhaps the two words don’t seem to go together. Even now, I hesitate to link them. Maybe everyone will think I’m suggesting that we all structure our days and push our kids to do certain things (that we consider are important). But that’s not what I mean. The kind of things that I’m suggesting we plan are those that our kids want to do but, without some forethought, they won’t end up doing.

For example, our kids might want us to read books to them, go on outings, do crafts that need organising. Perhaps they want to do other things that need our help. Should we think ahead, and block out time to get everything done?

My family used to use our mealtimes as markers in our days. There was a block of time before breakfast, another leading up to morning tea, one before lunch, and another that led to afternoon tea. We’d run along the bush tracks together during the before-breakfast time, do the chores and pray and read books aloud before morning tea. The rest of the day could vary, but usually, I had a free block of time between afternoon tea and dinner. This was when I’d blog and write.

At the beginning of each week, we’d make a few plans about such things as music lessons, outings, and appointments. I’d block them out in our planner or do that mentally – somehow I’m able to keep things in my head! – or write them on a calendar so they’d get done.

And every morning, after we’d completed the chores, I’d gather with my kids, and we’d talk about the day ahead. We’d discuss the routine things such as what we were going to cook for dinner and any extra chores and errands that we needed to do. But I’d also say, “What are you going to do today? Is there anything special I can do for anyone? Does anyone need my help?”

Of course, we all have times when we need to go with the flow such as periods of illness, the baby seasons of life, and when we’re dealing with crises. But ordinarily, it’s good to think carefully about how we’re spending our time so that we’re free to do what’s important to us. Perhaps we should direct our lives instead of letting them direct us.

How do our kids learn to direct their lives so they accomplish their goals? Maybe they’re already good at doing this. Kids are curious people who want to learn. They’re capable of concentrating while diving deep into whatever interests them. They immerse themselves into their games, books, research, and other activities. They have things they want to do and they get on and do them. Unless, we distract them.

School bells and structured lesson plans cut a child’s life into pieces which must be very frustrating when they’re working deeply. And it can be so easy to undervalue our kids’ activities and attempt to divert them away from them. Similarly, we might not recognise that rest and thinking times are important. We might want to say, “Stop wasting your time and go do something more productive!” We could want to direct our kids instead of allowing them to work out for themselves what’s the best way to spend their time.

Perhaps we have trouble believing our kids can direct their lives because we, the parents, often get distracted by whatever is happening around us. We let life take us where it will. To pass on the true meaning of freedom to our kids, do we need to think carefully about the purpose of our days and take control? Is our example important?

Saying all of this, we should always retain the freedom to let go of our loose plans because sometimes unexpected things happen that are far more important than the work that we intended to do. I’d rather remain at the kitchen table long after lunch is over, listening to a daughter, instead of writing a planned blog post. Even though we’re big Shakespeare fans, we’d all prefer to postpone watching a play together if the sun suddenly reappears and shouts, “It’s a picnic kind of day!”

So what do you think? Even though we’re unschooling, should we think about how we’re spending our time? Is it okay to make plans? Are they just a normal part of life? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Photos: my daughters, Imogen and Gemma-Rose, are making a birthday cake for Charlotte. They planned ahead, buying ingredients and deciding when was the best time to make the cake!