An Unschooling Challenge: Looking for Joy

Each week, in our Stories of an Unschooling Family Community, I post an unschooling challenge. The challenges are a way for us to explore the principles of unschooling, ponder a few ideas together, and make unschooling a reality in our lives.

A few weeks ago, I shared the following challenge.

A Looking for Joy Challenge

Do you ever look for ways to add joy to your days? Well, that’s this week’s unschooling challenge!

Here’s an old Instagram post that I wrote about joy:

‘The other day, a mother told me she only arranges special outings for ice cream or coffee or lunch with her kids as a reward. They can earn some special time with her by working hard at their school work. I felt sad. That family learns in a way that needs rewards to encourage kids to do it, and the special moments of life seem to be rationed out. Maybe the mother thinks I’m spoiling my kids because I try and turn as many moments as possible into special ones. We’re always going places, drinking coffee, eating picnics, chatting… I intend to extract every drop of joy from these precious days of mothering as I can because they won’t last forever.’

Turning as many moments as possible into special ones. Extracting every drop of joy from our precious days of parenting. What do you think? Should we do that? Or could we end up spoiling our kids?

Here are a few words from my unschooling book, Radical Unschool Love:

’…because life is unpredictable and we can’t protect our kids from every suffering, searching for joy is essential. It’s the joyful times of our lives – the smiles, the fun, the carefree days – that draw us together with strong bonds of love. Those bonds give us the strength to face the difficult times when they arrive. Happy memories give us hope and keep us moving forward when we’d like to give up. They lead us back to joy…’

We can add joy to our days in lots of simple ways. Here are some of the things we’ve done:

Stopping at the playground to play on the swings instead of rushing straight home from the shops. I have a go on the swings too!

Buying flowers for my kids.

Arranging my girls’ afternoon coffee mugs on a tray, together with a small treat and a flower, and delivering everything to their bedrooms instead of yelling, “Coffee!”

Using a pretty tea set instead of the everyday one.

Making a simple picnic and heading to the park on the spur of the moment.

Taking time in our days to stop and enjoy each other’s company and drink tea or coffee.

Baking and enjoying a cake.

Snuggling on the sofa and watching a movie.

Suddenly saying, “Shall we walk to the village and buy ice-cream?”

When my kids were younger, going out in dress-up clothes was joyful!

It can be fun to do things we enjoy at a different time of day than usual. Or in a different place. We’ve carried our dinner to the park and eaten it while sitting on a picnic rug.

Joys Waiting to be Discovered

Yesterday was the first day of spring here in Australia, and we went on our first picnic of the season. We went searching for joy. Four daughters, one mother, and two dogs took a basket of delicious food to the botanic gardens. Sophie and I also took our cameras.

Sophie and I are trying to fit in a few photography outings before she leaves home in a couple of weeks’ time. My second youngest daughter is moving north to the country town where big brother Callum lives. She’s got a new job managing a cafe. She also hopes to get some work at the local gym now that she’s completed two fitness courses.

For the past few days, Sophie has been sorting out 19 years’ worth of possessions. At regular intervals, bags of recycling and rubbish and no-longer-wanted items appear from her bedroom. Sophie tosses each one onto the pile that has formed in the family room. Our floor is disappearing.

As I listen to the girls exclaiming over almost forgotten dolls, and reading out entries from rediscovered old diaries, and then giggling at the bits that now sound very funny, a bit of me feels sad. A stage of Sophie’s life is coming to an end. She’s moving on. She’s moving eight hours’ drive away.

“I’ll be back for Christmas, Mum,” Sophie reassures me. Yes, that will be good. At least Sophie isn’t moving interstate. She can travel home whenever she likes. (Our state borders are closed because of the pandemic.) “And I’ll buy you a plane ticket so you can come and visit me in my own home.” That will be a big adventure for me.

But first, I shall have to say goodbye. Will I cry? Of course.

So, Sophie will soon no longer be part of our everyday life. I won’t be able to say, “Shall we visit the river with our cameras today?” After our outing, I won’t be able to ask Sophie to fix all my photo editing problems. But I will be able to remember. I have loads of memories of fabulous times spent with my daughter. Over the years, I’ve squeezed as much joy as possible out of our days.

A new stage of life means new joys. What will they be? I don’t yet know. They’re waiting to be discovered.

Photos

These are some of Sophie’s photos of yesterday’s picnic. I haven’t yet downloaded mine from my camera!

So, what are your favourite ways of adding joy to your days? Why not share some of your joyful moments in the comments?

And if you need more joy in your life, perhaps you’d like to take up the Looking for Joy unschooling challenge!