An Unschool Challenge: Name Conversations

It seems to me that names can lead to many interesting conversations and much learning. While we’re sharing our name stories, we connect with the members of our family, present and past. We might learn more about each other, different places, historical events, books and a lot more.

Sometimes choosing a name for a child can be delightful. Other times, finding the perfect name feels like an impossible task.

We had trouble deciding what to call our fifth child. Here’s that story:

The Problem with Naming a Baby

One cool spring afternoon, my husband Andy said, “Come on! Let’s go for a walk.” The sky was heavy with clouds, and I was sure they were about to burst. I was exactly nine months pregnant, and I wasn’t very enthusiastic about taking my huge body for a waddle in the rain.

“The exercise might encourage the baby along,” said my husband.

I had experienced a few overdue births, and I quite liked the idea of avoiding another one. A walk around the park? Yes! But then I remembered something very important: I wasn’t ready to give birth because our baby didn’t have a name.

That’s not entirely true. There were a few possible boys’ names on our list. But we had no girls’ names at all. Now, that’s not entirely true either. If the baby was a girl, we wanted to call her Charlotte, but I didn’t know if we should. My grandmother was called Charlotte, and I didn’t think she’d like a great-granddaughter bearing her name.

“Your great-grandmother never liked her name. When one of her grandchildren was given the name Charlotte, she said, ‘Why did you give her that awful name?’” I told my children this family story.

Because I was reluctant to name a child after my grandmother, we had to find another name we liked just as much, and that was proving very difficult.

We went for the walk. I didn’t really believe a gentle stroll around the park would have any effect on our unborn child. I remembered Felicity, our first baby. She was weeks overdue. We tried everything to encourage her to make an appearance, including exercise. One evening, Andy took me for a run through town. I wonder what people thought as Andy flashed past with a hugely pregnant woman in tow. The run did absolutely nothing. Felicity stayed where she was.

We didn’t end up strolling around the park. We started in the park, but soon, Andy strode ahead, along the road, and up a hill that resembled a mountain. Andy and our children soon disappeared around a bend. I plodded after them. Hours later, I arrived at the summit, where everyone was waiting for me. They’d had time to admire the view, discover a coal mine, and rest. They were ready to make the descent.  I sighed, turned around and rolled down the hill behind them. By this time, it was drizzling. The rain soaked into my jacket. I put my cold hands in my pockets and discovered a few lollies, an unexpected treasure on a dismal afternoon.

That night, I headed to bed early. The exercise had worn me out. I snuggled gratefully under the quilt and was soon in a deep sleep. But something wasn’t right. Something niggled at me. It wouldn’t give up until I was awake. I knew what was wrong instantly: I was in labour. “No! It’s too cold to go out. I’m far too tired to give birth,” I moaned. But it was no use. That walk up the mountainous hill had done its job. The baby was coming.

Andy grabbed my hospital bag, and I grabbed the baby name book. Perhaps we could continue our search for the perfect name once our baby was born.

Several hours later, a midwife placed a soft-as-down baby in my arms. I wasn’t surprised that we had another daughter. Somehow, I’d known she’d be a girl. That feeling must have had something to do with the fact we didn’t have a girl’s name. Or did we?

I looked at the baby, and I looked at Andy. “Let’s call her Charlotte.”

“Okay.”

It was as easy as that.

And what did my grandmother say about us choosing that ‘awful name’? I held my breath while waiting to see how she took the news. “She’s a third-generation Charlotte. (Or was that fourth-generation?) A real family name.” My grandmother was pleased. In fact, she was thrilled to hear she had a new great-granddaughter bearing her name.

It seems my grandmother had changed her mind about her name. She added a new chapter to that old family story.

I tell Charlotte her name story on her birthday each year. Maybe one day she’ll tell it to her children. It could become a family story passed from generation to generation.

I wonder if they’ll be other Charlottes. Will another girl be called after my sweet Charlotte or her great-grandmother who came to love her name?

Unschool Challenge

Our names are important, aren’t they? They represent us. When we hear a name, we imagine the person. We always feel special when someone remembers and uses our names. We might like our name. Or we could wish we had a different one. Sometimes we modify our names or change them altogether. How does that make our parents feel?

There must be a million name stories. Sometimes they enter our conversations without any encouragement. Other times, we might strew a few thoughts and ideas about names and see where they lead.

Here are a few suggestions for some name conversations:

• Tell your kids who chose their names and why.

• Share your own name story. Do you know who chose your name?

My mother chose my first name, and my Dad chose my second one. My Godmother thought she had the right to name me, so my parents added her choice to the end of theirs. Of course, once I was given three names, all my younger siblings had to have three too. A new tradition was created.

• Do you have any family names? Do some names belong to multiple generations? Are any of your children named after family members?

• Do your children have popular, traditional or unique names?

I have a name that once topped the most popular name list. When I first heard this, I was pleased. Later, I realised it can be very inconvenient having a common name. When I was 11, there were 3 Susans in my class.

You could look at some baby name lists for different years. What names are trending now? What names were popular when you were born?

• Do your children have nicknames? What about you? Have your family nicknames changed over time.

At one time, Felicity was known as Tissie because her younger siblings were unable to pronounce her proper name. When Gemma-Rose was two, she called Imogen Cinderella.

Write down any current nicknames before they change and disappear from memory.

• Do different people use different nicknames for the same family member?

My grandfather was the only person who called me Susie. When I shared this with my kids, I also shared my memories of my paternal grandfather.

• Do your children prefer to be known by a derivative of their given name?

I prefer Sue instead of Susan. 

• What do your family names mean? If you don’t know, you could do some research.

• Do your children share their names with any famous people? Book characters? TV stars? Saints? People in the Bible?

When my first child was born, lots of girls were named Mallory because of the show Family Ties. Now I’m thinking about Justine Bateman and her attitude towards ageing. That could be an interesting side-conversation.

• Do you know the origin of your surname? Is it a place name? An occupation? Or something different? What country did your surname come from? Has it changed over time? Does everyone in your immediate family have the same surname? 

I have a lot of stories associated with my married name. Maybe I’ll share some Elvis stories another time.

• If you had to choose a pseudonym, what name would you like and why?

My maiden name begins with S which I found very inconvenient as a child. When things were done alphabetically, I had to wait a very long time for my turn. I was pleased to move up the alphabet when I married Andy and became an Elvis.

When I mention my childhood name while writing blog posts, I use the pseudonym Susan Skeleton to protect my parents’ privacy. That’s very close to my real name.

• How far back do you know your family tree?

• You could write down your family name stories.

• You could tell your children the stories of their names each year on their birthdays.

In this challenge, I’ve shared a few ideas that might lead to conversations about people, history, geography, our place in our families and the world, the meaning of words, books, TV shows and many other things. You might have more ideas. What else do you think we could learn and enjoy while talking about names?

So, who wants to share a name story?

There are more unschooling challenges on this blog and in my book The Unschool Challenge. Why not check them out?