A Message We Can All Share Even if Our Unschooling Lives Aren’t Picture-Perfect

When we’re posting photos or writing stories or talking about unschooling directly with our family and friends, do we ever stop and wonder if it’s necessary to have perfect kids when we’re sharing this way of life?

Lots of people want to promote or defend unschooling. I do as well. So we all share social media photos and stories of our thriving, happy kids doing wonderful things. We want to say, ‘Unschooling works!’

But what if our family is going through a difficult time? What if we think our kids aren’t perfect examples of unschooling? Will we feel uneasy sharing our stories? Will we wish our kids were different because they don’t match up to the unschooling vision we think we should be presenting to the world? Perhaps we’ll want to creep away from the public eye or avoid discussing unschooling with our extended family because someone might say:

‘Unschooling obviously doesn’t work. Why do you do it?’

‘What do you know about unschooling? You’re not doing a great job living this way of life.’

Perhaps we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our kids when we’re sharing our unschooling lives. We assume we need to look like we have everything under control to avoid criticism from those around us. Also, how will we attract people to unschooling if we don’t present a perfect picture of our days?

A perfect picture of unschooling? Is such a thing possible? No. Unfortunately, unschoolers, like everyone else, can’t avoid the difficulties of life. The challenges will find us regardless of the way we live.

So why do we unschool? Why not do something else?

I think unschooling helps us through the difficult days. It encourages us to work together, forgive mistakes, accept one another, learn and change and become, little by little, the people God created us to be.

But what if our kids are slow to change? What if we are too? Should we give up and try something else? No, we have to continue unschooling because aren’t we called to love one another unconditionally? Isn’t that the right thing to do?

Unconditional love: that’s what I think unschooling is all about. And that’s a message we can share with anyone whether our days are picture-perfect or not.

Something Extra

My book, Radical Unschool Love, is full of stories about unschooling and unconditional love. Here’s the beginning of one of them:

If we love unconditionally, we’ll accept our kids for who they are: unique people with their own talents and interests, quirks and failings.

If we believe our children’s talents and interests are an integral part of them, we will encourage them to use them. We will value what our children are interested in. We’ll let them learn about the things that are important to them. We’ll respect their choices.

If we love unconditionally, we won’t impose our ideas on our children. They don’t have to be who we think they should be. They can be themselves. We won’t express disappointment with who our kids are. They’ll know that we value them just the way they are. We’ll also trust that they’ll find their places in the world.

We’ll let our unconditionally loved children develop and grow and learn in their own time. They don’t have to fit into our timetable. We won’t compare them to other children.

Our kids can express their thoughts and ideas and opinions. We will listen and take them seriously. They don’t have to be just like us.

We won’t let other people’s opinions about our children affect how we treat them and feel about them. We’ll stand up for them and protect them. They don’t have to fulfil other people’s expectations.

When we love unconditionally, we love all the time regardless of what our kids do. We won’t withdraw our love as a way of controlling or influencing them. Our kids don’t have to please us. They don’t have to do things to keep us happy. We can’t use love to manipulate them.

We’ll keep on loving even when our kids make mistakes. Yes, we’ll love them regardless. Our children won’t think, “I got away with that. I’ll misbehave again because I know I’ll be forgiven.” Even though this sounds reasonable, it’s not what happens. When we fail and are forgiven, we want to become better people. I know this from experience. When I fail, and my kids wrap their arms around me and say, “Mum, it doesn’t matter. We love you!” I want to be the best mother in the world. I also want to make up for my mistake and put things right. Why should it be any different for kids? Some people say we shouldn’t reward bad behaviour with love. But love is necessary. It’s what gets our kids (and us) back on track. Love is powerful. It can transform people…

I’ve written lots of other stories, expanding the ideas in this one. You can find them in Radical Unschool Love. This book, together with my first unschooling book, Curious Unschoolers. can be found on Amazon.

Photos

I took these photos almost a year ago. The bush along this nearby river smelt wonderfully damp and earthy because of the recent rain. Today, it’s raining again. It’s rained a lot this year. Our rivers and dams are overflowing, and our wet roads are full of pot holes. We’re facing new challenges. Usually, we have to deal with drought and bushfires, not an overabundance of rain!